Good news for the lazy, inattentive and paranoid

Volvo, a car known for it's safety features, is running a commercial advertising some of their newest additions. The first scenario shows a guy changing lanes. He looks in his mirrors and doesn't see anything so he gets over but OH CRAP there's a motorcycle there. The car automatically corrects itself, putting the guy back in the lane he was leaving and the unharmed motorcyclists continue on their merry way. The driver of the car is completely unfazed by his car driving for him and his near collision that sure would have been fatal to the cyclists. Hmmm, I wonder why he didn't just turn his head to check his blind spot...too much work I guess.

In scenario two, a business woman (to show she isn't stupid, I presume) stops paying attention momentarily to pick up a folder that's slipped off the pile in her passenger seat. But OH CRAP a car is stopped in front of her and in front of that, a group of tiny schoolchildren parade across the street. Luckily, the Volvo bloops and blinks its warning system to tell her to stop. (They're working on a system that will automatically brake, in case the driver doesn't brake hard enough or soon enough.)

Why do we bother driving cars at all? Obviously it's much too challenging a task for our feeble species. Aren't they working on replacing cars with the public pod? You leave your house and you walk to the pod station. You get in a pod, swipe your card, enter our destination and the pod sets out to get you there. You don't have to do anything else. There are some obvious problems like...what if you have groceries? Will they fit in the pod? How will you get them to your house? What if someone spills ice cream on the pod seat? Will there be some kind of automated cleaning system? Damn, I really like this pod idea.

The last scenario in the commercial shows a woman crossing a dark parking lot at night. As she walks towards her car, she checks her key fob and notices that OH CRAP a heartbeat is registered. Someone has broken into her car and is waiting inside to commit atrocities to her person. She turns around and hurries back the other way.

Now this is really a limited feature. I mean, what about that old routine with the guy hiding UNDER the car...does it pick up that heartbeat? Or what if someone has attached a tracking device to my car? I need to know that before I drive to the secret location of the Batcave. OR will it detect whether explosives have been wired to the ignition? Hmmm? When the car starts taking pictures of the people who slam into it in a parking lot when I'm not there, I'll start thinking about it.

Immediately following Volvo's commercial, Nissan followed up with push-button ignition. It really is such a pain to put a key in the ignition. You need the key in the car you just don't need it in the ignition, just push a button to start. See, what happens when you get to your destination and you don't know where your keys are? Did you put them in your pocket? Purse? Or did they fall on the floor? Again, until the car is starting with voice recognition commands like the Batmobile, I just don't see the point.

I think all this technology is just prepping us for the future of machines. Relaaaaaaax, don't worrrrrry, the machiiiiiiines have got it allllllll under controlllllll. Mwa ha ha ha ha.