Come and see the real thing

A few years ago, I was babysitting for a friend's niece while her sister was visiting. They went out for a night on the town and I stayed at the hotel with Sophie, a precocious and adorable 2-year old with a penchant for telling people what to do. We had a rocky start. I had not yet proven my worth and she had to put me through the tests. Would I scold her if she misbehaved? Would I obey her if she gave me a command? Would I entertain her if she was bored?

When I got there, she was watching The Incredibles. I hadn't seen it since its release and had forgotten how much I liked it, and what a genius Brad Bird is as Edna Mode (and for writing and directing it). When it was over, Sophie wanted me to scroll through the menu to find another movie. I must have been reading the titles because she's only two, and yet I can't think why I would have read Shrek out loud because she pointed her little finger at the screen and commanded, "Shrek!" I wanted to make her happy, I wanted to pass the tests but there was no way I was to sit through that Dreamworks crap. Ugly animation, obvious storylines, fart jokes? No. I turned to her and enthusiastically suggested "Let's watch The Incredibles again!" I don't know what thoughts went through that mind of hers, insubordination, troublemaker, but after a long pause she finally squealed, "okay!"

We watched The Incredibles two more times before I was able to put her to bed. I passed all the tests and the next day, I was her new best friend. But I was still wondering, how many movies are enjoyable three times in a row? I could have watched it again. There's something magical about Pixar. They're everything that Dreamworks isn't: beautiful, intelligent, clever, real, unexpected.

I saw Ratatouille last night and was blown away. I haven't disliked a Pixar film but some are definitely stronger than others; Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Monsters Inc. being among my favorites. Ratatouille might be the best of all. Pixar movies take me back to my childhood, watching the old Disney animated films. By picking up where Walt Disney left off, Pixar has saved Disney from being a meaningless media conglomerate, a relic of the past.


Unapologetically smart, richly layered, stunningly beautiful and with heart, Ratatouille is the real thing. Ocean's 13 may as well be George and Brad having a conversation about what big box office draws they are, it's that boring and pretentious. Pirates of the Caribbean 3 is like one of those building facades. It looks like a movie, it has all the characteristics, and yet it isn't. It's hollow and meaningless and there's nothing there. As soon you stop looking at it, it evaporates.

The Pixar films take years to make and it shows. They are a labor of love. How often do you we get to witness the product of so much talent, creativity, passion and joy? It made me laugh and cry and at times I wanted to cheer at the audacity of Pixar to make something so AUTHENTIC. There are six major characters with arcs and conflict and related storylines. It has a fantastic message and is worth seeing just for the a monologue delivered by Peter O'Toole at the end. It boldly challenges our perceptions and throughout the film, you feel them falling away, making room for something new. It's the best movie I've seen in a year, maybe two.

Driving home after watching it, I distinctly remember feeling different. I FELT happier, more grateful, more human. I thought, god, life is wonderful. A movie made me feel that, which is the reason I got into this business in the first place. If you don't see this movie in the theater, you'll be depriving yourself of, in my opinion, the joy for living. (Hey, look! I didn't give the whole movie away.)

Altruism = happiness

My yoga pal who last week asked me about happiness just sent me an interview from Shambhala magazine with Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness. The gist of the book is that we constantly trip ourselves up in our pursuit of happiness because as it turns out, we don't actually know what makes us happy. I'm not surprised. Despite the over-emphasis of our culture on our huge brains, we actually know very little. I found a couple of points from the interview to be very interesting. A scientific approach to some things we already know.


I read an article a long time ago about a woman in France who was like 120 years old. There have been a lot of theories about what makes people live longer. Colloidal minerals in the water that some tribe in the Andes was drinking sparked a new industry. There was a theory about the altitude, and we've all heard about how a macrobiotic diet and being nearly emaciated can make a person live longer (even though you'll miss out on all the yumminess of good food.) This article, however, said the single most important thing to long life was a feeling of usefulness and close bonds in the community. Antithetical to our practice of cloistering the elderly away in a home and "visiting" on occasion.

Gilbert says, in his interview:
Probably the single best predictor of a person's happiness is the quality and extent of their social relationships...a better predictor of happiness than your physical health. If you had to choose between being paralyzed from the waist down and having no friends whatsoever, you would probably be better off being paraplegic than friendless.

So it would seem that being happy makes a person live longer. Makes perfect sense. I mean, if a person were unhappy, what would be the point in living to be 120? Problem is, according to Gilbert, people don't realize this and instead pursue money and fame, indulge in sex and food, thinking those things will bring them happiness.

Not surprisingly, if our relationships with other people are the predictor of happiness, then improving those relationships make us happy. Gilbert says:
Altruism is a social act, an interpersonal act. It makes people feel good about their place in the world, good about others and it makes other esteem them.

When people give of themselves to others,and are recognized for it, they experience lots of happiness and increase in self-esteem. Interestingly, though, we've just done a study that shows that when people are offered the opportunity to do something selfish or something altruistic, they take the selfish option by and large. Culture has told them this is what they should do to be happy, but if you force them to take the altruistic option, they're much happier.

As VolunteerMatch.org demonstrates, opportunities to help others are abundant. We just have to take them. A heck of a lot cheaper than therapy! Not that we are meant to be happy all the time although I rather like the idea of a world that revolves around helping other people. It's important to recognize that unhappiness is not something to be afraid of. Unhappiness is a powerful indicator that we should pay attention to and learn from.

We are meant to be happy, and we are meant to suffer. We're supposed to suffer when we are encountering circumstances that aren't good for us.

It's like the situation we're in with the environment. Man has been manipulating the environment since we got here. There is no "going back." Back to what?

Women were oppressed, children were used like cattle, people raped, pillaged, and plundered, everybody lived to about the age of twenty-seven and had bad teeth! What we have right now is marvelous. It's far from perfect, but our job is to make it better - not to go backward, but to go forward.

Sure, we are faced with great challenges in the future but WE ARE TALKING ABOUT IT. I'm talking about it and everywhere you go, people are talking about the environment. I think it's amazing. I think it's inspiring. And not just talking, people everywhere are taking action. See, life is like sailing a ship. Sometimes we may go off course, but we keep going. Together, we steer this ship into the future. Like unhappiness, if we pay attention, we can use bad situations we encounter are navigational elements. Don't go that way!

They instructors in yoga classes always say that we become more rigid as we get older, mentally as well as physically. It seems to me that children, in addition to being more flexible, are more in touch with what makes them happy. They don't seem to have any trouble figuring out happiness. Seth Godin wrote on his blog that people get used to saying "no" for example, and even in the face of overwhelming evidence that "yes" is the right answer - the positive answer that will bring happiness to everyone - some people will still say no. So what happens to us that makes us lose touch with such basic intuition? The difference between children and adults is more than anything, our length of time in the world. Society and culture are a much larger figure in an adult's life. We're always being told what's good for us, our country and the economy. The most important thing we can do is to decide those things for ourselves.

Joy is innate

While standing in line for a post-yoga treat at Jamba Juice, my co-worker and new yoga pal asked "What do you think is the difference between joy and happiness?" I thought we were about to get into a deep philosophical think session, prompted by the recent chanting. "I think" she continued "joy is innate but happiness is external, it's an expression." I had never really thought of it that way.

Our society is obsessed with happiness and have somehow been convinced that it's unnatural for us to be unhappy and it should be fixed, preferably with pills. I'm not really sure that it's realistic to expect happiness all the time. Every period of history is rife with tragedy, unhappiness, suicide and depression. Yet, it seems that each generation idealizes another era, somehow hoping that those people had happiness figured out.

In a recent conversation with a friend's teenage daughter, she stated that she would prefer to live in the 60's or any decade prior. I shared that I held the same sentiment as a teenager and believed that life was simpler then, less stressful and more innocent.

These days I hear lyrics that I didn't notice at that age, like The Beatles' 1965 hit "Run For Your Life," and realize it's never been true:

Well I'd rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or I won't know where I am

You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That's the end little girl

Yikes! I replied to my yoga friend that I agreed. Joy IS innate and happiness is something people think we need to BECOME. Really what we should be doing is stripping away that which keeps up from being joyful. Greed, deceit, selfishness, hostility, over-indulgence and the stress caused by those things. It's like when you go on vacation or leave town; most of the reason we feel joy is not because of where we went but because of what we left behind.

Happiness sells (more than sex)

I walked on the beach today. I had the week off between jobs and took the opportunity to visit the beach without the crowd. I put on my running shoes and clothes, grabbed my iPod and headed out. It was glorious.

I was feeling so good that I was singing out loud, I think I skipped and danced a little while I was walking, and at one point I found a swing set. I blasted my tunes and swung into the big blue sky for a good half hour with a huge smile on my face. There are times in life when I thank God I'm a woman and able to do things like that without being considered a freak. (Then again, the men are in charge and they could change the rules if they wanted so I don't feel too sorry for them.)

Anyway, I got claps, cheers, waves, smiles and nods of encouragement. I was happy and people wanted to show their support. About 500 yards away, a gorgeous model in a sexy dress was being photographed. She didn't get any attention. (I don't feel sorry for her either).