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Thursday, May 31, 2007

Suing the pants off each other

I just met with a recruiter who wants to send me to one of the top ad agencies in LA to interview. I looked them up and the founder is the guy that came up with the Jack In the Box clown CEO while at another agency. "Did you hear?" she said, "They're getting sued right now by Burger King."

Their latest commercial insinuates that the Angus beef served by BK is actually anus beef. (This is, apparently, funny). Jack couldn't be happier that they're being sued as it's fantastic free publicity. I couldn't help but think this is how our "great nation" will end. Our world will be collapsing around us while we're busy suing the pants off of each other.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Expanding food

I just got back from four days with the nephews and have some blogging to catch up on. My first day there we climbed to the top of Multnomah Falls on the Columbia River. Here's me in front of the falls with my youngest nephew.


It was one of a series of weekly "challenges" my brother, his wife and her family are doing as part of a group diet. At the end of the climb, they did a weigh in. The winner of the weekly weight in wins the pot of money they all put in. I thought it was very inspiring, a great way to support each other.

At home, their refrigerator was stocked with fruits and vegetables. We packed lunches every day to avoid eating fatty food out. My sister-in-law said, "it's not so much that we eat bad food, it's that we eat too much." Americans have long enjoyed a varied bounty of inexpensive food. When I got back from India ten years ago and made a trip to the grocery store, I was floored by the enormous fruits and vegetables in the store. After two months in another country looking at normal-sized produce, these genetically-modified, chemically-enhanced monstrosities seemed cartoon-like, blown way out of proportion.

I felt for my brother and his wife. What an uphill battle they're fighting. Everything about our culture encourages people to eat more. I've done a couple of cleanses/fasts and learned that you can't watch television on one. Every few minutes there's a commercial for fast food. I don't even notice them normally but on a diet, juicy burgers dripping with cheese and bacon suddenly become the most delicious-looking thing I've ever seen.

On the plane back to LA, there was an column in Southwest's Spirit Magazine called The Numbers. "The bagel has grown three inches since 1987" was the headline. I thought something was amiss! Our food has been expanding at such a steady rate that we hardly notice we're suddenly eating three times as much. "But I only ate one!" Up from 140 calories, the new bagel has 350. The muffin has increased from 1.5 oz to 4 oz since 1987. The cookie has grown 2 inches in diameter from 1.5 to 3.5. The 2.4 oz portion of French fries is now 6.9 oz (and has 8g of trans-fats.)

One of our picnics included smallish turkey sandwiches with tomato and sprouts, carrots and hummous, a single serving each of a potato salad with olive oil and orzo rice salad to share, a green salad and almonds. My brother felt like he ate a lot, "I just kept eating and eating but I didn't feel full," he said. I told him that the body can function without ever feeling full and in fact the feeling indicates that we've eaten too much. Because of the giant portions we're served in restaurants these days, we have come to believe we shouldn't stop eating until it hurts.

My sister-in-law lost eight pounds that week but didn't win the pool. Someone else lost twelve. Keep up the good work y'all!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Virtual theft is very real

A friend of mine recently deposited a check for some editing work. The check cleared and he paid his bills. Then, the check bounced and he racked up some $400 in overdraft charges. Several days after his account was overdrawn, the bank was still allowing him to make purchases. When he got on the phone with them, he was irate. Why, he asked, would they allow that? Why can't they let him know? The answer was "we don't do that."

The answer should have been "because we make a lot of money that way." A new report shows that banks make an average of 217% on in-store purchases with a debit card that overdrafts.

"What banks are calling 'bounce protection' is starting to look more like a 'protection racket,'" said Eric Halperin, director of the Center for Responsible Lending's Washington office and a co-author of the report.

Sounds like racketeering to me.
A couple of years ago, unknown persons accessed my bank account via non-bank ATMs and withdrew $1,300. These withdrawals occurred twice per day for three days in a row, $200-$300 per withdrawal. Even when my account was overdrawn, the bank kept paying out. By the time I discovered the fraudulent activity, I was $700 in the hole and had racked up hundreds of dollars in fees. I found a blog post detailing a similar experience but you can Google "Bank of America" fraud and find countless similar stories.

I was told by a representative that "this happens all the time" and read an article on MSN about mass ATM fraud but the bank insisted that I must have been frivolous with my PIN number and someone I knew stole the money from me. I was robbed and the bank was trying to extort even more from me. After six months of diligent calling and letter-writing, I got my money back and all the fees refunded. I immediately took my money out of Bank of America and put it into a smaller credit union.

This is what I learned about how to protect myself.
Protect your credit cards. ALWAYS use your debit card as credit card by choosing "credit" when you make purchases. NEVER enter your PIN number anywhere except a bank ATM machine. Don't get cash back at the grocery store. (It's ridiculous, I know. Why would we be given the convenience if it wasn't safe?) ALWAYS shred documents with your personal information: Social Security number, driver's license number, birth date. Protect your Social Security number. Use CASH.

Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-NY) is expected to re-introduce a bill that requires banks to report the overdraft APR to consumers, get their written consent to put them on "bounce protection" programs and give them overdraft warnings at the ATM. If you've been coerced into paying exorbitant overdraft fees, call or write your representatives and tell them to support this bill.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

From the gut of a kangaroo (and other ridiculous ideas)

I love a good burger as much as anyone, even though as a former vegetarian and current animal rights supporter I feel terribly guilty about even the little mostly farm-raised beef that I do eat. The fact is, beyond the whole "cows have feelings and are really cute and the way we treat them is horrific" argument, there are many more economic and environmental reasons not to eat beef.

A vegan ex-roommate of mine has no particular soft spot for animals but boycotts animal products because a) killing is avoidable and unnecessary (and as we continue to evolve into more humane creatures, might be wrong) and b) the industries of producing animals for consumption is both wasteful and damaging to our environment.

In both the June 2007 issues of National Geographic and Wired, there appear small articles that reference problems created by cattle. I use the term cattle to denote herds raised for consumption rather than a cow here and there that an individual farmer or landowner might keep. And yet, neither article even hints at the obvious solution, let's stop raising cattle.

In National Geographic, the problem is the black-footed ferret (which is also very cute). A popular pet in some states, this is North America's most endangered mammal. There are less than 1,000 in existence and they live in the Badlands of South Dakota. Now I know the people of South Dakota have got it rough. A former co-worker from there has told me about the hard times her ranching family has come upon.

However, here we have a curious chain of events - perhaps caused by global warming - that affects our subsistence on cattle that in order to maintain will require even more tinkering. There's a drought in South Dakota so less grass is growing. The cattle have less grass to eat and are competing more now with the prairie dog, who also eats the grass. Ranchers want to poison the prairie dogs but guess who needs to eat them to survive? The cute little ferret!


Wired's story presents a much more serious problem. Cows produce 300 lbs. per day of methane gas, each, by burping. Methane is 20x worse for the atmosphere than CO2 but dissipates almost immediately. All we have to do to stop the damage is stop the methane.

The solutions proposed sound like the top ten list on Letterman:
1) The Aussies are working to extract a bacteria from the gut of the kangaroo, who also eats grass but doesn't produce as much methane, and inject it into the cow.

2) A California inventor came up with a "gas mask" that the cows would wear containing methane-consuming microbes.

3) We could put (yet even more) additives in their food, this one shown to cut methane by 20% but also causes cancer and is expensive.

4) Australia and New Zealand are already working on a "burp vaccine" to eliminate the methane producing bacteria in the cow's gut.

5) Canada proposed carbon credits (the "politically palatable" version of an earlier methane tax) for ranchers. Not sure how this one works...

Now, take the methane gas the cows are making and the effect it has on global warming and go back to the National Geographic story. See? The cows are making the grass dry up but now we're going to kill some animals that will in turn kill even more animals so these animals that we're going to kill have something to eat. Is it just me or is that totally nuts?

Friday, May 25, 2007

A shout out to Algeria!

I know I'm the only one who gets a thrill out of the little red dots on the map of who's showing up to my site but yesterday I got my first ping in AFRICA. I'm so excited...it's from Algeria! Little do they (the Algerians) know I am a lover of their music.

It all started in 1995 when I saw the movie Party Girl at the local independent cinema in Seattle. The movie was cute and funny but what struck me most was a certain "Middle Eastern sounding" song. I rushed out to buy the soundtrack to find out what the song was (this is before you could listen to clips on Amazon) and found it was Khaled's "Les Ailes."

I bought an album of Khaled and eventually, four of his CDs. I bought Rachid Taha (also of Algeria) and saw the Master Musicians of Jajouka (Morocco) play in Seattle. It was a fantastic show, a magical experience. I bought Césaria Évora from Cape Verde, off the coast of Senegal, a beautiful blend of African, European and North American sounds.

A friend introduced me to Passion: Music For The Last Temptation of Christ. I have still never seen the movie but the soundtrack is unbelievably beautiful. I bought Passion Sources, the music and musicians that inspired and contributed to the soundtrack. Its traditional North African songs (many not more than vocals) are probably too exotic for most but I love them. I collected all of Dead Can Dance's music, also heavily borrowing North African themes. This rich music ironically goes very well with the dark, wet winters of Seattle.

Although my tastes have become more varied since moving to Los Angeles, (I'm loving Central-African-by-way-of-Belgium Zap Mama's latest) this music still holds a special place in my heart. In the last couple of years, I've even got my mother hooked. She can't get enough of Natacha Atlas (Egypt) and has listened to nothing but Cheb i Sabbah (Algeria) for the last few weeks. (This is a great disc.)

Seemingly unrelated, today has officially been declared Star Wars Day in Los Angeles but there's no mention of North Africa's special role in the sextet of films.

According to the official Star Wars site, North Africa has provided most of the films' shooting locations:
Tatooine was originally named Aquilae in the draft scripts of Star Wars, before adopting a name very similar to the southern Tunisian city of Tataouine. Being the most explored planet in the Star Wars films, Tatooine required the greatest number of real-world filming locations. In Africa, Djerba, Matmata, Tozeur, Medenine, Ksar Hadada, the Chott El-Djerid, and La Grande Dune doubled as Tatooine locales; in California, the production crew visited Death Valley, and in Arizona, the sand dunes of Yuma.

So, from California to Algeria, Happy Star Wars Day!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Expose yourself

This blog is starting to sound like a dream journal but I have been having some vivid and bizarre dreams lately. Last night, before going to bed, I decided to blog about an article in this month's Wired.

Five years ago Bangladeshi-born Hasan Elahi, a 35-year old artist and Rutgers professor, was detained at the Detroit airport by the FBI on suspicion of stockpiling explosives in a Florida storage facility. He was released when they were convinced they had the wrong guy but it landed him on the US terrorist watch list. A list that's apparently very difficult to get your name taken off of.

In response, Elahi started a website where he posts his location via a GPS he wears, a feed of his credit card transactions and, since he travels frequently, photos of every meal he's about to eat on an airplane. He also calls the FBI before every trip so they can alert their field offices. He hasn't been detained again.


Elahi says by flooding the market with information about himself, he deters overly ambitious agents from getting the details wrong in their snooping. He says with the younger generation, like his students, posting their personal photos on Flickr and writing journals on MySpace, Big Brother just might go out of business.

So last night, I had a dream that I was detained by a group of Scientologists. They told me that they had my friend's newborn daughter and unless I cooperated with them, they would not give her back. I got to see her for a moment. She was tiny like a Barbie doll and she was attached to a piece of cardboard with twisties like a doll when you buy it. I touched her little hands and started crying.

(I guess that the reason they had this particular friend's daughter is because she has a celebrity blog and doesn't say very positive things about the Scientologists. It's rumored that Scientology has maintained such a high profile list of followers by taking advantage of actors, desperate for success, and leeching their darkest secrets from them.)

They had my journals from high school and knew everything about me. They never harmed me physically but wore me down in questioning. They made me feel weak and vulnerable and then came in like my protector. "If you join us, we can protect you."

This is how Homeland Security works. Without their snooping, our cities might be bombed by terrorists every day. We don't know for sure, but we're scared and worn out, so we give in. At one point during the interrogation, I started hitting and punching the woman who was questioning me. She didn't react at all. She was like an android without any feelings. They continued to name the people I cared about that they had access to if I resisted. The dream ended with me saying "I want my life back. I want my job and my friends and my apartment and my boyfriend. I want my freedom back. I want the choice to say no to you" and I woke up sobbing.

I immediately thought about the Wired article. See, when I went to bed I thought "right on, good for you!" to Elahi taking charge of his life and refusing to be a victim. It could be his site that has kept him out of Guantanamo. But this morning I had a different view. I wasn't harmed in my dream but I clearly felt that my freedom had been taken from me. I realized that even things like the job I don't have anymore represent choices that I have, choices that I often take for granted. And I wondered, is this trend of total exposure and radical transparency really a victory?

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Fat on the inside

When it comes to being fit, experts say there is no short-cut. "If you just want to look thin, then maybe dieting is enough," Bell said. "But if you want to actually be healthy, then exercise has to be an important component of your lifestyle."

So said an article in the LA Times last weekend in regards to a new study on "internal fat." The study found that thin people who don't exercise or eat well could be storing fat around their organs INSIDE their body, making them more vulnerable to diabetes and heart disease than their heavier but more active counterparts.

I sometimes take this yoga class from Bryan Kest who is just fantastic in his unorthodox way of leading a class. He makes light of the Indian names and false reverence often found in less compelling yoga classes. "This is called bending over and holding one leg up," he'll say in a class before he goes on to say "who cares how you look in a bathing suit if you can't bend over and pick up your kids. What could be more important than bending over?"

In this uber-superficial city/country/world people are so focused on what they look like and what other people look like.
It's easy to look at an obese person and say, wow, I must be really healthy compared to them but this new study says "thin fat" people may as well be obese. Health is not measured on the outside.

Here's the good news. Exercise makes you feel good. It's meant to. It's like a good friend of mine always says "the body wants to be in shape." You don't have to do much, just give it a little encouragement. Exercise shouldn't be torture, it should be fun. And when you feel good, you'll look good. My very first yoga teacher used to have us look in the mirror after class so we could see how much better we looked. Bright eyes, worry lines relaxed, clear skin.

When I was doing fund raising for the YMCA, I remember the administrator saying "if everyone showed up to work out who had a membership, they couldn't all fit in the door." People buy a membership because they think it will motivate them to work out. But if feeling good, being able to move and aging in style doesn't compel a person, no amount of money spent will.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Aphids beware

These are the things I like to do when unemployed:
Get a haircut
Catch up on reading
Visit with friends and family
Wash the car
Clean the house from top to bottom
Write in my journal about life
Walk on the beach
Tend to the garden

I have a couple of plants on my porch, my little garden. A geranium, some lavender, an ivy and a miniature tangerine tree. I noticed that my geranium wasn't doing very well and upon closer inspection saw that it was covered with little white things. I sprayed it with a natural mixture and killed those white bugs. A week later, it was covered with aphids and the leaves were still dropping. I sprayed it again, a couple of times with a couple of different mixtures but still those aphids were there.

Yesterday I bought one of those bags of Ladybugs from the garden store. The bag says "The Ladybug is a very aggressive beneficial insect. The Ladybug will feed and lay eggs for many days before leaving. The new generation will repeat the cycle." I released them in the evening. Most are "sleeping" and need to wake up but many, unfortunately, never did. The ones that were alive, however, went right at those aphids. In a couple of hours, they were completely gone!

I got to watch the Ladybugs chasing the aphids around, and even saw one get caught. It was great. I have to say, they look very cute clinging to my lavender and geranium flowers but these bugs kick ass. They are also already mating - they really get down to business. In a few days they'll fly away and find more aphids to devour.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

A letter to my mother

I'm at my mom's house this weekend, we're doing Mother's Day a week later because she doesn't like crowds. She doesn't always listen to me when I urge her to do things so I've decided to write her a letter on my blog.

Dear mom,

You know how upset it makes you when the neighbors cut down big beautiful trees? When they pave over their yards to make more driveway for their giant cars, 4-wheelers, boats and RVs? You've watched people buy a house, destroy the giant tree that blocks the view of their cars, only to move out a couple of years later. Even if the new owners plant a tree, it will be 30-50 years before it matures.

Even though you have about fifty trees in your yard, it doesn't ease the pain of seeing fully mature trees ruthlessly chopped down or badly mauled by "tree trimmers." Well a friend of mine in Portland came home one day to find an 85-year old tree in her neighbor's yard, a tree she had a relationship with after years of living next to it, gone. Gone! The lady next door said she just didn't feel like taking care of it anymore.

"What gives you the right", my friend asked, "to cut down an 85-year old tree?!" Trees cool the surrounding area by up to 10 degrees, provide oxygen and a home to birds, and clean the air. Everyone's air.

I've always encouraged you to do something about this issue that angers you, write a letter to the paper or something, but I've come up with a plan that's much better. See, my friend in Portland got mad but then she organized a tree planting for Earth Day. Thirty-seven neighbors agreed to buy and plan trees. The day of the planting, even more neighbors came out, wanting to help so she's doing it again in the fall.

Here's my plan for you. The next time you have one of your tea parties with the ladies in the neighborhood, propose the idea of forming a committee to restore and save the trees in your burg. Among your friends are a City Attorney who could help you petition the city for tax credits for people who have mature trees on their property. You've got a Realtor in your group who could educate her clients on the benefits of having trees on their property and refer them to proper tree-trimmers who know how to take care of them. By the time you retire, you will have lived in this place for 30 years. You are someone who loves trees and plants, the kind of person that people listen to, and you could make a difference!

Get your sixty-eight year old Czech friend who's passionate and fired up to figure out how to form a non-profit and get funds for it. Have another friend come up with things you can do with the money you raise to advance the cause. Your retired Scottish friend can do research on the trend of disappearing mature trees in the suburbs. Ask your daughter who works in marketing to create a website and promotional materials.

THEN, when you run into celebrities at the supermarket (as you do), you can ask them to help! You could set up a booth at fairs, street markets and local celebrations, to educate the public on the value of trees and how to properly take care of them. Your celebrities could help attract attention to your cause.

You don't have to do it alone but you have to do something. Every time I come to your house, I notice that there are fewer and fewer trees in the neighborhood I grew up in. You're not the only one it bothers but you might be the only one who can put a stop to it. I support you fully.

Love,
Your daughter

Friday, May 18, 2007

Good news for the lazy, inattentive and paranoid

Volvo, a car known for it's safety features, is running a commercial advertising some of their newest additions. The first scenario shows a guy changing lanes. He looks in his mirrors and doesn't see anything so he gets over but OH CRAP there's a motorcycle there. The car automatically corrects itself, putting the guy back in the lane he was leaving and the unharmed motorcyclists continue on their merry way. The driver of the car is completely unfazed by his car driving for him and his near collision that sure would have been fatal to the cyclists. Hmmm, I wonder why he didn't just turn his head to check his blind spot...too much work I guess.

In scenario two, a business woman (to show she isn't stupid, I presume) stops paying attention momentarily to pick up a folder that's slipped off the pile in her passenger seat. But OH CRAP a car is stopped in front of her and in front of that, a group of tiny schoolchildren parade across the street. Luckily, the Volvo bloops and blinks its warning system to tell her to stop. (They're working on a system that will automatically brake, in case the driver doesn't brake hard enough or soon enough.)

Why do we bother driving cars at all? Obviously it's much too challenging a task for our feeble species. Aren't they working on replacing cars with the public pod? You leave your house and you walk to the pod station. You get in a pod, swipe your card, enter our destination and the pod sets out to get you there. You don't have to do anything else. There are some obvious problems like...what if you have groceries? Will they fit in the pod? How will you get them to your house? What if someone spills ice cream on the pod seat? Will there be some kind of automated cleaning system? Damn, I really like this pod idea.

The last scenario in the commercial shows a woman crossing a dark parking lot at night. As she walks towards her car, she checks her key fob and notices that OH CRAP a heartbeat is registered. Someone has broken into her car and is waiting inside to commit atrocities to her person. She turns around and hurries back the other way.

Now this is really a limited feature. I mean, what about that old routine with the guy hiding UNDER the car...does it pick up that heartbeat? Or what if someone has attached a tracking device to my car? I need to know that before I drive to the secret location of the Batcave. OR will it detect whether explosives have been wired to the ignition? Hmmm? When the car starts taking pictures of the people who slam into it in a parking lot when I'm not there, I'll start thinking about it.

Immediately following Volvo's commercial, Nissan followed up with push-button ignition. It really is such a pain to put a key in the ignition. You need the key in the car you just don't need it in the ignition, just push a button to start. See, what happens when you get to your destination and you don't know where your keys are? Did you put them in your pocket? Purse? Or did they fall on the floor? Again, until the car is starting with voice recognition commands like the Batmobile, I just don't see the point.

I think all this technology is just prepping us for the future of machines. Relaaaaaaax, don't worrrrrry, the machiiiiiiines have got it allllllll under controlllllll. Mwa ha ha ha ha.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Altruism = happiness

My yoga pal who last week asked me about happiness just sent me an interview from Shambhala magazine with Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness. The gist of the book is that we constantly trip ourselves up in our pursuit of happiness because as it turns out, we don't actually know what makes us happy. I'm not surprised. Despite the over-emphasis of our culture on our huge brains, we actually know very little. I found a couple of points from the interview to be very interesting. A scientific approach to some things we already know.


I read an article a long time ago about a woman in France who was like 120 years old. There have been a lot of theories about what makes people live longer. Colloidal minerals in the water that some tribe in the Andes was drinking sparked a new industry. There was a theory about the altitude, and we've all heard about how a macrobiotic diet and being nearly emaciated can make a person live longer (even though you'll miss out on all the yumminess of good food.) This article, however, said the single most important thing to long life was a feeling of usefulness and close bonds in the community. Antithetical to our practice of cloistering the elderly away in a home and "visiting" on occasion.

Gilbert says, in his interview:
Probably the single best predictor of a person's happiness is the quality and extent of their social relationships...a better predictor of happiness than your physical health. If you had to choose between being paralyzed from the waist down and having no friends whatsoever, you would probably be better off being paraplegic than friendless.

So it would seem that being happy makes a person live longer. Makes perfect sense. I mean, if a person were unhappy, what would be the point in living to be 120? Problem is, according to Gilbert, people don't realize this and instead pursue money and fame, indulge in sex and food, thinking those things will bring them happiness.

Not surprisingly, if our relationships with other people are the predictor of happiness, then improving those relationships make us happy. Gilbert says:
Altruism is a social act, an interpersonal act. It makes people feel good about their place in the world, good about others and it makes other esteem them.

When people give of themselves to others,and are recognized for it, they experience lots of happiness and increase in self-esteem. Interestingly, though, we've just done a study that shows that when people are offered the opportunity to do something selfish or something altruistic, they take the selfish option by and large. Culture has told them this is what they should do to be happy, but if you force them to take the altruistic option, they're much happier.


As VolunteerMatch.org demonstrates, opportunities to help others are abundant. We just have to take them. A heck of a lot cheaper than therapy! Not that we are meant to be happy all the time although I rather like the idea of a world that revolves around helping other people. It's important to recognize that unhappiness is not something to be afraid of. Unhappiness is a powerful indicator that we should pay attention to and learn from.

We are meant to be happy, and we are meant to suffer. We're supposed to suffer when we are encountering circumstances that aren't good for us.


It's like the situation we're in with the environment. Man has been manipulating the environment since we got here. There is no "going back." Back to what?

Women were oppressed, children were used like cattle, people raped, pillaged, and plundered, everybody lived to about the age of twenty-seven and had bad teeth! What we have right now is marvelous. It's far from perfect, but our job is to make it better - not to go backward, but to go forward.


Sure, we are faced with great challenges in the future but WE ARE TALKING ABOUT IT. I'm talking about it and everywhere you go, people are talking about the environment. I think it's amazing. I think it's inspiring. And not just talking, people everywhere are taking action. See, life is like sailing a ship. Sometimes we may go off course, but we keep going. Together, we steer this ship into the future. Like unhappiness, if we pay attention, we can use bad situations we encounter are navigational elements. Don't go that way!

They instructors in yoga classes always say that we become more rigid as we get older, mentally as well as physically. It seems to me that children, in addition to being more flexible, are more in touch with what makes them happy. They don't seem to have any trouble figuring out happiness. Seth Godin wrote on his blog that people get used to saying "no" for example, and even in the face of overwhelming evidence that "yes" is the right answer - the positive answer that will bring happiness to everyone - some people will still say no. So what happens to us that makes us lose touch with such basic intuition? The difference between children and adults is more than anything, our length of time in the world. Society and culture are a much larger figure in an adult's life. We're always being told what's good for us, our country and the economy. The most important thing we can do is to decide those things for ourselves.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you

My dad made me run in high school, track and cross-country. I hated running but it gave me very nicely shaped legs. As a teenager, I never wore a skirt longer than mid-thigh and I didn't wear pants until college. In a bikini, however, I was always self-conscious about my strong frame, thick muscular waist, and round butt. The women in the magazines had long thin limbs, small soft waists and smooth flat bottoms with just a hint of a crease at the leg. I used to describe myself as a white girl with black girl's butt. Or bubble butt. I tried to hide it (years before J-Lo made it famous).

When I left home, I stopped running and didn't run for years and years. I did yoga, took boxing, swam and rode the bicycle. Without the heavy training, I was thinner. A few years ago, I gained a tiny bit of weight at my waist and finally, after all these years, had a soft feminine tummy (is that the weirdest word ever?) But then something funny happened. My butt started to lose its muscular quality and literally began disappearing. I'd since learned that those models were airbrushed teenagers and at 35, I'd finally had come to appreciate my bubble butt! Alas, it was too late. My ass was disappearing and now I wanted it back.

I started running again, about six months ago. Every time I head out, I feel like I'm chasing my ass, into the past, trying to catch it. Wait, don't go! I'm sorry! I think y'all know the moral of this story. Whatever you've got, appreciate it before it's gone.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Booties for babies needed

I was catching up with a friend last night that I hadn't seen in a while. We took a walk along the beach and I gave her a rundown of my job situation. She didn't even know I had started a new job two months ago so I was telling her about interviewing for the job I never got offered and that I've been thinking about starting some kind of non-profit. She gave me a great idea that seemed right up my alley so I decided to look into it.

This idea was perfect for me, she said, because I wouldn't have to choose a cause (since I'm so passionate about the women's rights, animals treatment and the environment). Argh, I'm still bemoaning the loss of what I'm sure were brilliant notes taken at the lecture the other night. Another point I remember being struck by was a comment that information will drive the change we need. I think this is a universal and indisputable claim - information drives change - but surely there are subtle complexities that determine the rate and effectiveness of that change.

In the early days of advertising, ads were nothing more than a way to disseminate information. Do you know about our product? It does this, this and this and is so easy to use! As the range of products grew and more information competed for consumer's attention, ads had to become more clever. They had to make claims, entertain and make an emotional connection that would drive people to buy. Eventually, even that wasn't enough and, as Seth Godin explains in The Purple Cow, a product or service now has to be remarkable to stand out. Meaning, you can't sell crap anymore, there's just too much competition.

In the same way, you can't just say "there's global warming" and expect people to get on board with your agenda. In order for the environmental revolution to succeed - and it really is a revolution in that it will completely change how we view and interact with our environment - the message needs to contain the truth, be entertaining, create an emotional connection AND offer a remarkable solution.

My friend and I were talking about how it seems that there is a lot of information out there about what's wrong with the world but it's difficult to find answers to "what can I do?" I've found that beyond giving money and sending letters online or signing petitions, it seems difficult to find ways to volunteer for a cause. You have to know the name of the organization and what they do first. Her suggestion was a site that compiled that information so people could easily find ways to volunteer in some way that was fun and meaningful to them. I thought it was a great idea but had a vague sense that maybe it had been done.

I started by Googling "take action." The phrased yielded 26,300,000 results. Scrolling through the list I realize this phrase has come to mean something very specific - do something to make a difference in your world. Volunteer, donate, write a letter. With over 26 million results, however, there's a lot of competition for our time, attention and passion.

VolunteerMatch.org
organizes volunteer efforts in an easy to find format. Type in your area of interest and your zip code and it instantly brings up a list of organizations and the way in which you can help. In my neighborhood, for example, K9 Connection needs people to walk dogs with a sign that says "adopt me" and help find the dogs homes. You get to meet people and spend time petting a doggie, in the name of a good cause. Or spend the day at the Santa Monica pier volunteering at the aquarium and watch kids squirm when they touch the sea animals. The local hospital needs knitters to make hats and booties for newborns. Truly, making a difference is this fun and easy and there's something for everyone.

The revolution will be different in that it will require us to make a lot of changes at home and in our thinking, as well as out in the community. For it to be effective, it will have to be remarkable and the action required will have to be this fun and easy.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Joy is innate

While standing in line for a post-yoga treat at Jamba Juice, my co-worker and new yoga pal asked "What do you think is the difference between joy and happiness?" I thought we were about to get into a deep philosophical think session, prompted by the recent chanting. "I think" she continued "joy is innate but happiness is external, it's an expression." I had never really thought of it that way.

Our society is obsessed with happiness and have somehow been convinced that it's unnatural for us to be unhappy and it should be fixed, preferably with pills. I'm not really sure that it's realistic to expect happiness all the time. Every period of history is rife with tragedy, unhappiness, suicide and depression. Yet, it seems that each generation idealizes another era, somehow hoping that those people had happiness figured out.

In a recent conversation with a friend's teenage daughter, she stated that she would prefer to live in the 60's or any decade prior.
I shared that I held the same sentiment as a teenager and believed that life was simpler then, less stressful and more innocent.

These days I hear lyrics that I didn't notice at that age, like The Beatles' 1965 hit "Run For Your Life," and realize it's never been true:

Well I'd rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or I won't know where I am

You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That's the end little girl


Yikes! I replied to my yoga friend that I agreed. Joy IS innate and happiness is something people think we need to BECOME. Really what we should be doing is stripping away that which keeps up from being joyful. Greed, deceit, selfishness, hostility, over-indulgence and the stress caused by those things. It's like when you go on vacation or leave town; most of the reason we feel joy is not because of where we went but because of what we left behind.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Funded by the neighbors

I moved into a new apartment about five months ago. It's a small building, eight units I think. I've met all of my neighbors except an elderly couple in the front of the building that I've seen and said hello to but haven't actually met.

Today I was home for lunch and saw the old man laying out parts of a fan to dry on the grass. There probably isn't a soul in the world other than me and this old man who would take apart a $10 fan to clean the dusty parts. I said "Don't you wish they made them easier to clean?" and he came over to talk to me.

"How do you like the neighborhood?" he asked. I told him I love Santa Monica, love my apartment and I was very happy there. He said when he moved in 35 years ago, the rent was $65/mo. (It's now about 25x that now.) "The average age, back then, of the tenants was 85."


He asked me what I did and I tried to explain it but he's in his late eighties, could even be in his nineties. I recognize the thin skin, the watery pale eyes, the scraggly eyebrows of the very old. He seemed to be slightly hard of hearing but otherwise in good shape. "So, it involves computers?" he queries, trying to figure out my job.

"Is that a good investment opportunity, you think?" What's that, I ask, my company? I feel kind of bad, he has this air of I don't know what, desperation, like he doesn't get out much. I shrug it off, "not really, I mean it's just a small company." He must think I work for Google and I'm going to give him a hot tip.

"See, I know people who have money and they're always looking for somewhere to invest it." Okay, WHAT? First of all, what kind of money can these people have when they're washing a $10 fan? Which, by the looks of it, had been washed quite a few times. The plastic was deteriorating from age (not unlike my friend here). Second, why do 85+ year olds need to invest? Is it possible that the next potentially ten years of their life are not taken care of? Third...WHAT? Have you ever heard of 85 year olds asking someone whose NAME they don't even know if they have something to invest in?

"Well, I'm also a filmmaker," I said "and filmmakers always need money." I laughed, half-joking. He was still listening. "High risk, that is, but you never know. What kind of films do you make?" Huh, he actually knows what he's talking about. So I reply "I've got a low budget comedy, I'll give you a script. Do you know how to read a script? You have to use your imagination, pretend you're watching a movie." I was trying not to be condescending but I was just dying to know what this guy's deal is.

I asked his name. "J.D." he said, "...from the Midwest. We only need initials there." Ah. Here are the scenarios that I imagine can explain this situation:

1) He and his old lady are con artists. Young people come and go but the old folks stay in the building. They're those types you see in the movies who take advantage of other con artists - people who would listen to this offer and think "aha, I can take these geezers for everything they've got!"

2) He's totally insane. His friends have like $10 each and they sit around talking about the stock market like they're millionaires.

3) He's a pervert trying to score with a young bird. Maybe if he offers me some money, he thinks I'll take off my clothes. Worth a shot I suppose.

4) He's totally on the level and by some crazy twist of fate, I'm actually going to get to direct a movie funded by a corps (no pun intended) of geriatric investors.

What do you think?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Paying for nature

I was in San Francisco this weekend with a friend of mine and her 14-year old daughter. We took the coast road home knowing it would be a long drive but my friend and daughter had never seen the California coast north of Santa Barbara. It was simply gorgeous. We had nothing but sunshine glittering over the ocean.


No fog to obscure the ragged cliffs diving into the water - dramatically shaped trees clinging to their edges. Rocky mountains alternating with redwood forests and rolling plains. My friend and I must have "oohed" and "aahed" for at least an hour at one point. Her daughter in this exhausted way said "Why are you guys so AMAZED?" Because, I replied, "it is amazing."

Queen Elizabeth was just visiting the U.S. and apparently is going to pay an estimated $20,000 to offset the CO2 put into the atmosphere by her jet in one of the most high profile gestures of a person paying an "offset cost."

In the upcoming documentary The 11th Hour, David Suzuki says that one researcher estimated the value of what nature provides (in terms of how much it would cost humankind to do the same thing) as $35 trillion per year. The combined economies of the world come to $18 trillion per year. We obviously cannot afford to lose nature's generous services.

The idea of paying for what we get from nature is so profound and yet, seemingly overnight, has become ubiquitous. I think we have reached the tipping point of global environmental awareness. We have finally woken up to the idea that the world is not ours to rape and pillage, resources are not something to kill for, and money is meaningless if we haven't air to breathe, water to drink and food to eat.

I vaguely knew that Prince Charles was an environmentalist but I had no idea that he has, for the last twenty years, demonstrated to the world how an alternate life can be lead. How we ARE capable of change and how we CAN make better choices. Yes he is privileged and has choices other people don't but how many are living of us are living by example?

In this year's Green Issue of Vanity Fair, the picture of our environmental situation is bleaker than in previous years but at the same time far more hopeful. It's as if, like in Alcoholics Anonymous, the first step is admitting we have a problem. That step is so huge, in taking it we're halfway towards solving the problem.

In the introduction to the magazine, the editor Graydon Carter writes:

It could fairly be argued that Bush has been such a dreadful steward of our environment that he more than anyone has energized the green movement to the point where it is in the early stages of becoming a revolution.

Like anything you don't appreciate until it's gone, I think a lot of people never noticed the steps that have been taken on our behalf to protect our planet. By assuming that people didn't care, our current administration has incidentally prodded them to finally take notice. Bravo!

Prince Charles, with steadfast patience, scrutiny and personal sacrifice has committed himself to showing us that we MUST account for the cost we inflict upon the environment. Certainly, we all can't pay $20,000 to fly to another continent, but neither can we pay for the actual cost of our gasoline, food and Nikes. In "The Rise of Big Water," Charles Mann reports that in China, some people are ALREADY paying a quarter of their income for water.

Clearly, our current economic model will have to change.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Spider-Man or 20 interesting films?

During the Monday morning meeting this week, the talk was about how bad Spider-Man 3 is. "Do NOT go see Spider-Man" one co-worker warned. "It's the worst movie EVER" another chimed in. They were mad at one guy who said he thought it was good but the smirk on his face suggested he liked it BECAUSE it was so bad.

As we left the meeting, my cube-mate said "I don't know why they're so surprised. The third movie is always bad." She went on to name a series of franchises in which the third was bad. I wasn't really listening as I don't usually see franchises at all and I didn't think the first Spider-Man was all that great (aside from the special effects).

Of the big Hollywood films that I like, the third has been actually been good: Lord of The Rings and Harry Potter. "Well, Lord of The Rings is different," she murmurs, "that was one story that they made into three movies." Okay, and she hasn't seen any Harry Potter films.
Where I thought she was going was "Why are they surprised? Almost everything that comes out of a major studio these days is crap." Spider-Man 3, despite getting terrible reviews and (apparently) actually BEING terrible, it's well on it's way to grossing more than the previous two.

On NPR the other day, an industry expert was talking about why record sales are plunging. One of the biggest reasons he gave is that the artists the major labels are signing aren't putting out enough music. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that they sign lame no-talent teenagers that are manufactured and overproduced? I can't keep up with all the great music being released by real artists. The second biggest reason (curiously similar to the first) is that the major labels can't seem to find the hits. Where oh where ARE those hits?

Here's where the music industry is as lazy and greedy as the film industry. They really aren't interested in producing quality entertainment and they aren't as concerned about profitability as they are with big bucks, the jackpot! They're in the business of gambling and they have secured their fortunes through control of the distribution. They are basically like the mob except they don't have to break our knuckles to purchase their crap, we do it willingly!

In Blink, Malcolm Gladwell explains the ridiculous process the record industry uses to "test a hit" and why it doesn't work. People don't know what they want and when they like something, they can't explain why. We're also enormously influenced by the context in which we experience something. It's not insignificant that $150 million was spent marketing Spider-Man 3. It's not that people just can't wait to see it, we're bombarded with advertising that has us following the flock to movie theaters.

These industries are still trying to hump the "mainstream market" despite the lack of evidence that such a thing ever existed.
It's not like The Beatles sat around trying to figure out how to sell records; they developed their talents, took incredible chances and sold records because people liked their music. Not EVERYONE, just a good chunk of loyal listeners.

Little Miss Sunshine, according to The Numbers, was made for $8 million (plus probably $20 mil for marketing) and grossed $97 mil. That's a 350% profit margin! The 40-Year Old Virgin was made for $26 mil (plus $27 mil for marketing) and grossed $177 mil! Even the British indies have fared well. The Queen, made for $15 mil grossed $113 mil worldwide and Bend It Like Beckham, made for only $5 mil grossed $76 mil.


So why aren't the studios making every $10-30 million movie they can find? They could make twenty indie films with Spider-Man 3's $450 mil. With an average profit margin of 300%, even if half of them fail, they'd still make out with $711 million and we'd have at least ten good films to watch! Problem is, Spider-Man 3 is on track to gross about $900 million and they want the easy money. It's too much work for the big studios to find quality scripts and develop them.

This is why, one of these days, the big guys will get swallowed up by a swarm of little guys delivering better music and better movies to exactly the right people - meganiches of a million or more folks each. Meganiches unite!

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

The protocol of phone calls

Watching The West Wing recently, I noticed that the phone protocol occasionally indicated on the show is identical to the protocol used by executives in the film industry. I can only assume it is ubiquitous to the world of executives.

I once spent a year and a half working as the executive assistant to a producer and there is nothing in the job more important than learning and perfecting the nuances of making, receiving and returning phone calls. I thought it might be interesting to enumerate the rules of this unwritten system for those who aren't familiar with it.

Most executives have an assistant that handles phone calls. Depending on how busy they are, there may be more than one that fields calls but they all update the same "phone sheet" or "call sheet." This is a list that is kept and updated at least several times daily to record who needs to be called back. Name, phone number, when they called and why they're calling.

The people at the top of this list are those deemed to be the most important (not necessarily the ones that called the most recently or the most frequently). Sometimes there is a coding system to designate 1) Call ASAP 2) Call today 3) Call sometime and 4) Call?

One of two things designates a caller as important:
1) They are someone the recipient WANTS to talk to (and is trying to reach) - maybe they have a deal in progress - or they are returning a call the recipient initiated.
2) They are someone the recipient doesn't necessarily WANT to talk to but because the caller is an important person, the call must be returned ASAP to maintain a good relationship.

As an assistant, this is what is required of you:

1) You MUST make every effort to get your boss on the phone when one of the ASAP calls comes in. If your boss finds the call on the phone sheet and you hadn't called your boss on every phone available and left messages, your boss will yell at you.

2) You MUST correctly spell the name of every person calling, including the pronunciation if necessary and must know all the phone numbers that might be needed to reach that person. When your boss is ready to make that call, if you can't get that person on the phone because you don't have the phone number or your boss mispronounces their name because you misspelled it, your boss will yell at you.

3) You MUST be able to rattle off, in order of importance, the calls that came in while your boss was unavailable. Your boss will call you from the cell phone in the middle of traffic and another meeting on the other phone with someone else in the car and will want, in 2.5 seconds, everything important. If you are not brief or don't speak loudly enough, your boss will yell at you.

4) You MUST accurately update the phone sheet every time your boss returns to the office. Give your boss a clean copy updated with all the missed calls and be ready to dial some calls. If there are any calls not on the phone sheet that your boss knows came in, your boss will yell at you.

(It’s possible that you will have a boss that doesn’t yell at you but chances are they are not very important or not very busy. They don't consider this a difficult job and quickly lose their patience if you can’t do it.)


When your boss returns and is ready to make calls, it’s called “rolling calls” because you’ll make a bunch, leave messages and get calls coming back right away. It happens very quickly, you might have 20 calls to make in an hour, you'll be juggling 3-4 at a time and you’ll have to keep track of who was talked to, who you left messages for and remember who is a priority. Your boss might even be dialing his own calls while you're on hold!

Here are some things that make the difference between good and great in the land of assistants:
1) You must protect your boss at all times. Your boss is never doing anything personal and is always working. You should find out the preferred responses when your boss can not or does not want to take a call. For example, if you say “I’m sorry, she can’t take your call right now, she’s in a meeting” it opens you up to more questions.

“In the office?”
“Out of the office?”
“Who’s the meeting with?”


The key is to give away AS LITTLE INFORMATION AS POSSIBLE and be very firm. Annoyingly repetitive if necessary. These people play a lot of games to get information about each other and they will try to get it through you. Give it away and your boss will yell at you.

This is the best response for all scenarios: “I’m sorry, he’s not available to take your call, can I have him return?” Turn the focus on the caller – getting their name and phone number, any important details. DO NOT promise when your boss will call. “Great! He’ll call you back as soon as he can.”

2) Giving your boss a competitive advantage will make her loyal to YOU. Being close to other assistants will allow you to ask for favors and get at the top of the phone sheet. Rap about personal stuff, be their friend, learn as much as you can about their bosses and their habits. You will need these people more often that you know to help cover your ass when you screw up (and you will). Never forget, however, that if they are good at their job, they are always protecting their bosses and their asses. Learn to read between the lines.

3) The talent of being able to prioritize immediately and connect the dots to figure out who is an important caller will make you shine in your boss’ eyes. Your boss doesn’t want you interrupting a call that isn’t important but certainly doesn’t want to miss a call that is. Keep in mind that you have the power to influence and you can make a call more or less important.

So as the caller to a busy executive, how can you be considered important and get to the top of the phone sheet?
1) You MUST not irritate or confuse the assistant. Be brief, concise and confident. Spell your name if you think they don’t know you, give them your phone number every time even if you know they have it, and always be nice.

2) Respectfully refer to the person you’re calling as Mr. or Ms. Last Name.

3) Be professional on the first call but friendly after that. You must ingratiate yourself with the assistant. Be someone they want to make happy. Pique their interest.

4) You are allowed to call once per day if you aren’t getting a return call. Still, be brief and be nice. Don’t make the assistant feel bad for not getting a return call. Be patient. Important people take a while sometimes but it doesn’t mean they hate you or think you’re a loser. It usually means: a) They’re just too busy b) They’re nervous to talk to people they don’t know or c) They have bad news for you and are procrastinating.

Here’s how it should go:


Call #1 (Be professional)

“Margaret Miller’s office.”
“Hi, John Smith calling for Ms. Miller.”
“She’s not available, may I take a message?”
“Yes, could you ask her to call me regarding the Big Merger?”
“Your phone number?”
“888-888-8888”

Call #2 (Be nice)

“Margaret Miller’s office.”
“Hi, how are you? It’s John Smith. Is she around?”
“No, she’s not. Can I have her call you back?”
“Yeah. I was hoping we’d get a chance to talk this week, you think she’ll be able to get back to me?”
“I’ll see what I can do. Are you at the same number?”
“Yes.”
“What’s your name?”
“Jamie.”
“Thanks Jamie.”

Call #3 (Be someone the assistant wants to help)

“Margaret Miller’s office.”
“Jamie, it’s John Smith calling for Ms. Miller. Am I in luck?”
“John, I’m sorry, she’s not around.”
“If there’s any way I can speak with her today, I’d really appreciate it.”
“Are you going to be around at 4pm?”
“Yeah.”
“I think we might able to get you back then.”
“Great! I’ll be at 888-888-8888.”

Call #4 (Be someone important)
“Margaret Miller’s office.”
“Hello, it’s John Smith. I guess she ran out of time yesterday.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry.”
“Listen, I really need to speak to her today or tomorrow. This merger is time critical. Can you let her know that?”
“Yes, I will.”
“Thank you. You have the number?”
“Uh…888-888-8888?”
“That’s it. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay.”

Call #5 (Get the call!)
“John, I have Margaret Miller calling.”
“Thank you.”

As you might guess, people with assistants can potentially get higher on the phone list. The assistants know each other and can make sure their bosses call each other back OR can get you the answers you need without the return call. When you call or get a call from someone important, know that you'll probably get an assistant.

When you're being connected, the person receiving the call or the more important comes on the phone last. This is sometimes a power struggle as everyone wants to come on the phone last and no one wants to sit on hold. This is what the assistant is for!

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Why I blog

For years, I didn't start a blog because I was self-conscious about having my thoughts out in the universe. In my "speaking" life, I'm very spontaneous - asking a lot of questions, stating my opinions (sometimes with little facts) and claiming things that turn out not to be true (embarrassing, but I'm used to it). Although I don't have a problem being wrong, I thought it a good idea to pay more attention to what I say WHEN I'm saying it and less time obsessing over it AFTER I've said it. Sigh, it's not easy.

So, I was working at a frustratingly stunted company, overripe with political nonsense, and I started to miss the road less traveled. I decided a) to find a new job and b) write about it. I still wasn't comfortable with the idea of putting my ideas out into the universe to be CACHED FOREVER but I thought maybe this was the best way to pay attention to what I'm saying and then let it go.

I've been blogging for two and a half months now (I wonder how old that makes my blog in cyber years) and have come to really enjoy it. Blogging (for me) is something between publishing my own magazine and keeping a digital journal. Some concepts I want to spend so much more time on: researching, interviewing, thinking about all the angles and writing draft after draft until I had created a gem. Other posts are just soul-searching ideas that without the blog would not be explored to quite the same depth.

It's much harder than it looks to sit down and put ideas floating around in the brain into coherent words. But the process of doing it I found myself going in a new direction. Finding more than just a hazy dissatisfaction, I also discovered passion in new places. I know there aren't that many people reading the blog and I'm not promoting it - it's literally just parked in cyberspace - so the fact that anyone is reading it and enjoying it is so thrilling.

The fact is, life is time-consuming, and it's easy to spend it all working, eating, sleeping, exercising, and socializing. It's difficult to take time for exploring thoughts but so far, it's been very rewarding. Thanks for listening.

Friday, May 4, 2007

Meet me on the farm

Last weekend, I visited my mom and she couldn't stop talking about the farm. She was so excited, she said, she could barely eat or sleep! The farm is undoubtedly theirs, I don't think that's the issue, it's that she's only four years away from retirement and this is truly a dream come true.

She's fantasizing about decorating the rooms in the cottage and building another house, all I'm thinking about is how my life just got a thousand times better. "The farm" (yet to be named) has just made us one of those fabulously cool families that has a place to convene, a plot of LAND!


We'll plant orchards and in the fall we'll have apple picking parties. We'll grow unusually large pumpkins and sit on benches made of hay, carving them. The kids can ride the miniature burros and we'll do apple bobbing. In the evening, we'll hang lanterns from the trees and drink the fresh apple-cider we made the day before, spiked of course. We'll have a local band come play and party late into the evening.

Christmas at the farm will be like no other.
We'll decorate the giant pine trees on the property, dress up the miniature burros like reindeer and attach a sleigh to them. On Christmas morning the kids will wake up to their Opa dressed as Santa Claus bringing them presents. We'll make a puzzle in front of a roaring fire and listen to the surf pound the shores in the winter storms while carols play on the stereo.

When spring comes, we'll celebrate with a cocktail party on the lawn and play croquet like Alice in Wonderland except we won't invite the Red Queen. The orchard will be blossoming, the flowers blooming and the birds singing. We'll eat dinner at long tables with beautiful tablecloths and vases stuffed with colorful blooms.

We'll spend most of the summer on the beach or walking down to the local coffee shop. Maybe we'll make homemade ice cream like they do in the magazines! Tourists will come by the farm for organic produce, eggs and maybe some yarn we'll have made the winter before with the sheep's wool, hand spun and dyed (organic of course). The days will be long and we'll be barbecuing and playing games on the lawn until the sun melts into the ocean.

It may be four years before they retire, but the parties should begin tout de suite! N'est-ce pas?

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Dumb is the new good

I'm a self-admitted avocado freak. In high school, I had a friend whose family lived in an avocado orchard and he used to give me bags of ripe avocados on a regular basis. The town I grew up in used to be all avocado and orange orchards (once upon a time) and it's not uncommon for people to still have one or two of those trees. I ate so much guacamole that my English grandmother (transplanted to Ohio) who was visiting one summer and thought avocados were the weirdest grossest thing she'd ever seen, remarked "better be careful or your face will turn green!" So although I have a soft spot for whatever the California Avocado Commission comes up with, I think this new campaign is hilarious.


Accompanied by the headline "Which is more irresistible?" I snorted despite myself and coined the term "dumb is the new good!" I'm taking some liberty with the word "dumb" to imply something that's simpler and less clever (rather than less sophisticated).

I could never get into the "dumb" frat boy humor - fart, dick and boob jokes (ala Wedding Crashers, etc) - that most ads are made of. Like those Bud Light challenges where the guy has to actually listen to his girlfriend? Maybe it's a difference between the advertising being dumb and calling the viewer dumb.

The marketing for this new campaign directs consumers to a very fun little site where you can upload your own irresistible images and enter a sweepstakes by accurately choosing the avocado as the most irresistible in a mock game show. It's just clever enough to be fun but dumb enough to be good.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

The value of face-to-face

This is a fantastic example of how a "radical" action can open the door for more sane communication. A month ago, Nancy Pelosi was criticized by the White House for traveling to Syria to speak with President Bashar al-Assad.

But then today, the New York Times reported that Condoleezza Rice visited Syria to meet with Walid al-Moallem, Syria’s foreign minister. The U.S. cut off relations with them over two years ago after deeming the country a state sponsor of terrorism.

But Rice's visit today creates hope on both sides of the divide:


Mr. Moallem said he hoped that the meeting was the start of something more. He asked that the United States return its ambassador to Damascus. Mr. Bush recalled the ambassador, Margaret Scobey, two years ago after the assassination of former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Hariri.

“We hope the Americans are serious, because we in Damascus are serious about improving relations with America,” Mr. Moallem said.

“This is a marked improvement in the administration’s ostrich policy approach, and a tacit admission of how wrong it was last month in criticizing the Speaker of the House and congressional colleagues, including myself, for going to Damascus,” Representative Tom Lantos, Democrat of California, said in a statement. “As a lifelong internationalist, Secretary Rice knows better than most the great value of face-to-face discussion, even with those with whom we strongly disagree.”

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Why Americans don't travel

Last week I went on a date with an Israeli and since we'd both spent time in India we talked about traveling. He made a reference to "his country" and I remarked that I had noticed when foreigners in the U.S. refer to their homeland, they always say "my country." When I've traveled I say, of my homeland, "in the United States." I theorized that it was a way to distance myself the United States: instead of claiming it as "my country," I just refer to it by name. I told him that many Americans are happy to be mistaken for some other nationality. My date asked our waiter where he was from, thinking he was foreign-born, and he replied "Pennsylvania." His response to being mistaken as foreign was "thank you, I'll take that as a compliment."


At some point in the conversation, my date commented that "Americans don't travel" and to my surprise, I delivered a swift and thorough argument in our defense. I don't like being lumped into a category and I don't like whole nations being summed up in simple statements, but that isn't what got me going. What bothers me is the implication that Americans are ignorant and unsophisticated because we don't travel.

I actually happen to agree that we suffer from not seeing outside of our country more often. We are an insulated, nationalist country that spends too much time working and not enough time traveling. We don't talk about politics enough and are constantly told that this country is better than all others. In fact, according to a comment posted by a reader on my blog we should work harder, complain less and appreciate what we have more.

Yet Europeans, who by many accounts have it WAY better than we do, with their mandatory six-eight weeks vacation, cheap to free schooling, unionized wages, better health care, looser regulations on medicine and stricter laws on guns, never stop complaining! They talk and argue and debate issues over bottles of wine into the wee hours of the night and no one would ever think to tell them to shut up and sit down.

There are three VERY GOOD reasons why Americans don't travel more: Time, money and distance. But first, let's clarify that this statement refers to international travel, more specifically, travel ABROAD. Americans travel quite a bit within our own country and travel to Mexico and Canada requires only a driver's license. The statement should be "Americans don't travel to as many countries and with the same frequency as other industrialized nations."

The reality is, Americans only get a fraction of the vacation time other industrialized nations receive and a third of us, don't even take it. A regular salaried job gets me two weeks vacation in the first year, and usually doesn't increase for at least three years after that. If I stay in a job long enough (and I haven't yet), I may get more than two weeks but it will be a long time before I have six weeks.

This year, instead of saving my two weeks, I'm using it throughout the year to visit my good friend three time zones away in New York, another friend in North Carolina who's getting married, my brother and nephews in Oregon. It's not uncommon for Americans to go years without seeing some of their closest friends and relatives because of the distance, time and cost between us. Each of my trips will cost me $350-$500 in airfare and including gifts, expenses and a hotel, will run me about $1,000 each. The east coast trips will take me 5-9 hours flying time, each way, depending on the layover.

In order for me to spend more than two weeks out of the country, I have to quit my job and save quite a bit of money. My vacation will be without pay but I'll still have to pay rent on my apartment and all of my other bills. I met a German guy while traveling around India who thought it was hysterical that I had saved for a whole year and quit my job to take the trip. He boasted that the German government was paying him to take his six weeks vacation even though he was collecting unemployment.

His flight to India took eight hours, mine took thirty-one hours and included an eight-hour layover in the Seoul airport. There and back, with time changes, I'm traveling almost a week before I spend any time in my destination. From the west coast, I can be in Europe in 12-14 hours but everything in the UK costs me twice as much as it does here. By comparison, Europeans can fly anywhere in Europe in a couple of hours and for $50-100 one way.

Yes, we are isolated and there is a certain amount of inertia to overcome, although I'm sure it's quite common for people who live in the country to travel less than city-dwellers, and not just because of the inertia. In this country, people not living in Los Angeles, San Francisco or New York, are likely to earn half as much for the same work. Lower cost of living, lower wages. Which is fine if you stay put, but try traveling abroad with a family and a yearly income of $35,000 or $40,000 when the Euro is 1.3 to the dollar. Still, thirteen million Americans visited Europe last year and not just London and Paris but Dubrovnik and Budapest!

Not that it should matter WHERE we've traveled. I don't believe for a minute that the majority of Europeans are visiting other countries for the cultural experience. They go for the mountains and the beaches: skiing, surfing, scuba diving and shopping that they can't do in their own countries. In the United States, we already have some of the best spots in the world for vacation activities and some of the most beautiful natural sites on earth. If we're trying to get the best value for our time and money, why not stay in the States? We must have SOMETHING worth coming for because fifty-one million people traveled to the U.S. from other countries last year.

When I've met foreigners who've traveled to the U.S., they always name three things that surprised them:
1) How beautiful the United States is. It's not all strip malls and Air Force bases.
2) How truly vast the nation is. You can't comprehend the size and richness of the State of California, for example, without driving the 18+ hours along the coast before realizing there's a completely different adventure running parallel, five hours away, along the Sierra Nevada mountain range.
3) How friendly and helpful Americans are.

We aren't as xenophobic as people think. Close friends and family of mine have spent time in China, Japan and throughout Asia, Australia, New Zealand and throughout Europe. An ex-boyfriend, after traveling all over the world, moved to Bangkok where he opened two yoga studios. Other friends of mine have lived in Scotland, Sweden, Hong Kong, Venezuela, Germany, Japan and Ecuador. I've been abroad five times and although I've only visited eight countries (not including Mexico and Canada), I've vacationed to over half of the states in the U.S.

When I was in India, making my way around the country staying in small villages, the people there were so excited to spend time with travelers. They asked questions, practicing their English if they didn't know it well (although many do), chatted excitedly about their lives and invited us to their homes. Because most of them will never have the opportunity to leave their country, spending time with foreigners IS their form of travel. Similarly, in the States, we all have friends from other countries to learn from and experience the world through. Of my mom's close friends (in the suburbs), half are born in other countries including Hungary, Scotland, Wales and Czechoslovakia.

When I was in high school, my family hosted exchange students from Germany, Sweden and Japan and throughout school many of my best friends were exchange students, au pair, or immigrants from Poland, Iceland, Spain and Thailand. Growing up, American kids aren't encouraged to learn other languages, our schools teach primarily American history and very little, if any, history of other countries and yes, we are brainwashed to love our country unconditionally. We're told it's dangerous for Americans to travel (we might get kidnapped!) and people don't like Americans (freedom-haters!) and despite all that, we still venture out into the world. I suppose the real reason the statement upsets me is because I wish it were easier for Americans to experience life outside the bubble.

[A few snaps from my trip up the CA coast two summers ago. To really get a sense of what we have to offer, these are the most gorgeous photos of California I've ever seen.]