Mrs. Anything Can Happen

I am such a bundle of emotions these days, it's hard to even pinpoint what I'm feeling. Friday was my last day at the old job, after two days in meetings for the new job. Everyone was very sad to hear that I was leaving and I felt like someone who'd won the lottery and wasn't going to share with anyone. The absolute joy I'd felt for the past two days really hadn't changed my view of this current job. It's a fine job, it's just not one that I want. But it's become very clear that I was the best project manager they've had on the job yet and in a short three weeks, I'd already made an impact.

The account manager hired on contract for this job was out of town to a wedding and even thought it was impossible to get anything done, I felt obligated to accomplish something for her to come back to. We bonded and had become instant friends when we realized that we shared a philosophy on how to get work done. It's called creative project management. While most companies expect project managers to create and follow process, spending all day drafting status reports and updating project plans, the best ones are those who can creatively problem solve. Projects don't just hum along a set plan, there are always problems and difficulties and solving them, for me, is the best part of the job. Cracking the human code to discover how to make everyone happy is the only satisfying part of project management.

One moment, my head is swimming with the amazing ideas I get to work on and execute in the coming months in the new job, the next I'm overwhelmed with sadness over what I'm leaving. Good friends, a beautiful apartment by the beach, the pursuit of acting (for sure now) and the ability (that I was only just coming in to) to shoot a movie at a moment's notice. The irony, of course, is that this new job has just skyrocketed me to the top in terms of opportunity and connections. My chances of actually directing a feature film have just increased by a thousand. The catch is that I really have to do the work now, of writing and making films to prove that I have something to say. I think I've been lazy about it the past because I could see that no matter what a talented person creates in this town, if they don't have the right connections, success can and will probably still elude them.

This job is like marrying a dishy guy with money, connections and a name that opens doors who says "honey, do whatever you want, I support you completely." I just married opportunity so I better get busy doing what I want!

Ask and you shall receive (but maybe not when you expect)

I must have been asking the universe for too many different things at the same time because in the last year jobs, opportunities and men have come and gone but none seemed like the perfect fit. They all were close to but not quite what I wanted. And yet now I realize, they all had their purpose.

Last year, I first considered giving up acting for a guy, then for a job and eventually happily quit acting. Then a friend got me another job that would bring my resume up to date, and with a real salary, I was able to pay off all of my debt in three months. In January, things got serious with a guy who lived in San Francisco and he asked if I would consider moving. I started questioning what my purpose was in Los Angeles, now that I wasn't acting, and remembered that I had always loved the Bay Area. Despite having just landed in Santa Monica and having my own apartment for the first time in six years, I was feeling done with Los Angeles. I decided I would take the leap but the relationship ultimately didn’t work out. Two months after taking another job, I was laid off.

That's when the major soul searching began. What kind of job did I want? Where did I want to live? Would I ever have the relationship I wanted in Los Angeles? I committed to a couple of film projects, told a man that I loved him and then, I took a job I didn't really want. Two days later, I got a call for a job that would change my life. A recruiter I had worked with before called to say she had my dream job. It sounded like exactly what I had been looking for, a senior level job that would require my marketing and film experience.

I shuffled time, missed sleep and stretched the truth to find several hours two days in a row to interview. I had to explore this opportunity, but I also wanted to be realistic. I had a job, a good job, and I needed to take ownership of it, despite this dangling carrot.