Eyes, lips and hands

I finally finished Blink and nearly cried at the last story about the female French horn player being hired by the Met because they finally "saw her for who she really was." I think the idea of seeing people for who they really are is probably the most Utopian idea I've ever heard of. I'm sure that no one sees even themselves for who they really are, and we can never truly know another person, but even so, I am in love with the idea that we have a beauty within that can be freed from the perceptions of gender, race, nationality, financial status, height, weight, hair color, eye color, etc.

This is, perhaps, EXACTLY what's wrong with online personals. There's really no chance to see a person for who they really are. By the time you meet them, you've already made a million snap judgments based on how old they are, the way they look, where they live, what they do, how much money they make and how they filled out their essays. It's got to be the most inorganic way to decide whether we like a person. There are only three things I need to see to know if I'm attracted to someone: eyes, lips and hands. I swear. I can look at those three things and I do or don't want to make out with that person.

Now, compatibility is something more complicated of course, but I still don't believe it can be determined by filling out online essays and comparing notes. I think it's something much closer to the blind auditions that Malcolm Gladwell writes about because being attracted to someone IS like being blind. How many times have you said, "I never thought I would be attracted to... [fill in the blank]" and cease to see anything other than a person you love and really want to get along with?

If online personals can figure out a way to see show us only what we need to establish an attraction, they could actually work better than the old-fashioned way.

Single female, 35, seeks available apartment

I was looking for an apartment, online, and was struck by how much like looking for a date online is. I spent two months looking through listings just to get a sense of what was out there. I spent entire days making decisions about which apartments were worth looking at.

Most of the ones I meet, I mean LOOK AT, are a disappointment. They looked so great in the pictures, they seemed like the dream apartment but they're not. As I draw closer to the date that I need to move, the places I hadn't considered two weeks ago start to look like possibilities. And I have the creeping feeling that I'm about to compromise and make a huge mistake. Desperation sets in.

And then...just when I gave up on finding what I was looking for, and starting to think about crashing on a friend's couch so I could look longer. Driving home from a day of frustrating house hunting, I see a management sign on a beautiful little building. I look at the website of the management company that night and see a perfect apartment for rent. I go the next day to see it, turn in application and in 48 hours, I'm signing the lease. Just like that!

What you want will find you if you let it. When you least expect it.