It's never too late to be what you might have been

I just finished reading Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell's latest book, and like his previous books, The Tipping Point and Blink, it's a fascinating look into why things are the way they are (one of my favorite subjects!) In Outliers, Gladwell debunks the myth that people are successful because of their "individual merit." Using established research and case studies, he shows that culture, family, luck and timing are powerful factors in whether a person is successful. It's very interesting and it made me think quite a bit about my own culture, family, luck and timing. It's not a self-help book so there isn't a chapter on "What to do if you didn't get the right combination of the four factors" but he does demonstrate that knowledge is power and if you understand who you are and how you came to be that way, the more you can change the outcome.

Here's an example from the book, very briefly encapsulated. In the nineties, Korean Air had three times the number of fatal accidents of any other airline and was on the brink of being shut down. It was discovered that because of the culture and the language, the co-pilots were not able to directly tell the captain when there was a problem. Here was an issue that would seem to stem from mechanical or technical problems but was actually a cultural problem. It was solved in two ways. One, the roles were switched so that the captain was in the co-pilot's seat and the junior pilot would fly the plane. That way if there was a problem, social protocol did not prohibit frankness. Two, the language of flying became officially English. Without the social stratification built into the language, it was easier for everyone to speak plainly without fear of offending.

As you might expect, people who are nurtured in their talent and interests while young, tend to be successful in those areas especially if culture, timing and luck were also on their side. It can be difficult, if not impossible, as an adult to put yourself in a situation where you can get the practice and confidence necessary to be good at something new. If that pursuit goes against how you've been raised or your culture, it is also more difficult. Or if you're born in a time when that field is extremely competitive, it will take more luck to get in. Luck is what you call all of those times when you were given access to equipment, training, contacts, information, money, a mentor or some other leg up that other people didn't get.

It's probably not a coincidence that I started this blog at around the time that I stopped acting and went back to work in marketing. I knew that I wasn't yet on the right path and must have known that the blog would help me focus on that quest. In another stop on the journey of self-discovery, I've just this week turned down what is basically the best job offer I've ever had. The non-profit that I had been working for pro-bono asked me to be their Director of Marketing and Communications, a brand new position. I had presented a plan for how to strengthen the brand, establish processes for the company and develop a strategy to grow the business over the next couple of years. I would have worked with some of the brightest and nicest people I've ever met and been able to make a tangible difference in education.

The problem is that marketing is not the path I'm supposed to be on. It's something that I'm naturally good at but no matter how much I accomplish, I never get any satisfaction from it. At the same time my inner critic keeps wondering why, if I was meant for something else, I'm not already doing it. Why is it so hard for me to know what I really want? I found the answer in Outliers. People who are successful are assisted by external forces in such a way that they don't have to wonder what they are supposed do with their lives. Mozart, Bill Gates, Michael Phelps and almost every movie star there is, were doing what they do when they were children. They had discovered their talent -- or it had been discovered for them -- and the four factors colluded to put them on a path to success before they were even old enough to ask what they wanted to do. In reviewing my life, I realize I've been all over the map, and back again.

Here's a synopsis:
Child: Wanted to be a teacher, Shirley Temple or the President of the United States; my mother wanted to take me to auditions but my dad said no.
Jr. High/High School: Wanted to take drama but was not allowed.
Jr. College: Took engineering classes because my dad made me; thought I might want to be an attorney (to blend my love of issues and performing) and got a job at a law office; considered acting school but believed I should be properly educated; started taking improv and acting classes on my own.
College: Dropped engineering for Women's Studies (which cost me the financial support of my dad); thought I might want to be a politician but continued to act; considered getting a masters in education; got feedback from professors that whatever I did should involve writing.
Post-college: Worked at creative agencies as a project manager (and although good at it, I was miserable); enrolled in acting classes and started performing in plays and short films.
Late 20s: Quit my job to be an actress, moved to Los Angeles and planned to give it five years before re-evaluating.
Early 30s: Worked in marketing and got laid off twice and felt like every interview and offer was a death sentence; continued to write scripts and make short films.

Obviously, I have three strong interests: Politics, education and filmmaking. Politics is too nasty for me and frankly I'm not very good at saying the right thing at the right time. I'm also quite happy expressing that part of me on the blog. I decided long ago that I didn't want to be a teacher but the job I'm turning down would have allowed me to make a difference in education with my marketing skills. That made the decision very difficult because unlike other jobs in marketing, this one might have actually fulfilled me.

Filmmaking, though, has definitely persisted as the strongest interest. I remember seeing Goodfellas and Thelma and Louise in the early nineties (Jr. College era) and saying to myself "I'd do anything to make movies like that!" The reason I didn't plunge into it then or at every other opportunity is because of my upbringing, which is a very valuable thing to know. I also noticed something else in my list. All of the careers I've been interested in utilize the skills of communication, performance and persuasion; Teachers, politicians and attorneys all need these skills in abundance. Despite his misguided advice, my dad has told me he recognized these things in me at a very young age.

Of course, even a person who already knows what their talent is and has been put on the path to success could mess it up. What I think is the biggest obstacle to success, however, is fear. I can't imagine what fears might have sabotaged the success of Mozart or Gates or Phelps but I know that I am a long-time victim of fear. Fear is what has kept me in marketing and away from what I really love! I've been hiding in jobs instead of taking the plunge into the unknown, where the things I know are scarier than the things I don't know. The two layoffs might, in retrospect, be seen as the luck and timing I needed because they've made it more difficult for me to hide.

I'm back (sort of)

Another month is about to pass with an abysmal number of entries. I know I shouldn't feel this guilty, it's just a blog, but it feels like giving up and maybe I've just given up on too many things lately. I see my friends on TV, they're creating TV shows and acting in big feature films and I wonder if I've made the right decision.

I started exercising again which always seems to be the first commitment. A person who can commit to exercise, it seems, can commit to anything. Maybe it's because our everything in our culture is created to allow us the luxury of not exercising. We are encouraged to use our brains, not our bodies for work. We drive, instead of walking or biking, to that job. At jobs like mine, a big beautiful cafeteria full of good - and healthy and cheap! - food is at my doorstep so again, I can return more quickly to sit at my desk. Once I get home, I've already spent the last ten hours training my body to sit, it takes a mentally strong person to say "now, I'm going to move only for the sake of moving."

I finally got an Internet connection this week (like getting a membership to the gym) thought that would instantly restore my blogging activity. Blogging, it seems, is like exercise - once out of shape, it's harder to do. But there are other barriers. I found myself one day feeling a little overexposed after someone I met found my blog. I've always thought of this project as my secret identity. A place where I can talk about things without worrying about people getting bored and without being judged. Once my identity is discovered, I don't feel safe anymore. I can't write about trouble at work if I think my co-workers are reading. I can't write about sex if someone I might want to date is reading.

So today, I Googled myself to see just how exposed I am and discovered the root of the anxiety. A number of sites that I have information on, or buy from, have chosen to use my name, my location, my interests and my purchases for marketing. It seems that someone might want to buy a book from Amazon because I bought it, or join a Meetup because I'm in it, or put their resume on LinkedIn so they can link to me. It's funny because my name has been on the Internet for a long time associated with acting jobs but that never felt invasive I guess because I was playing a character. But having my personal habits show up online as a piece of advertising feels like too much. And why can they do that without asking?

The privacy settings for these sites are buried and took a while to find. On LinkedIn, I couldn't hide some of the information, I had to hide all of it. I ended up deleting my Meetup profile because they didn't offer privacy settings at all, but Amazon, surprisingly, was the most difficult. A Google search revealed friends names, items on my wishlist, and items recently purchased! What if I was buying something to help with an embarrassing condition? (I'm NOT but what if I was?!) Privacy restored, for the time being, I feel a little more able to blog. I have lots of notes, things I've wanted to write but haven't yet, and I find it very comforting that Malcolm Gladwell hasn't updated his blog since January (of course he's probably writing a book, darn!)

Spider-Man or 20 interesting films?

During the Monday morning meeting this week, the talk was about how bad Spider-Man 3 is. "Do NOT go see Spider-Man" one co-worker warned. "It's the worst movie EVER" another chimed in. They were mad at one guy who said he thought it was good but the smirk on his face suggested he liked it BECAUSE it was so bad.

As we left the meeting, my cube-mate said "I don't know why they're so surprised. The third movie is always bad." She went on to name a series of franchises in which the third was bad. I wasn't really listening as I don't usually see franchises at all and I didn't think the first Spider-Man was all that great (aside from the special effects).

Of the big Hollywood films that I like, the third has been actually been good: Lord of The Rings and Harry Potter. "Well, Lord of The Rings is different," she murmurs, "that was one story that they made into three movies." Okay, and she hasn't seen any Harry Potter films.
Where I thought she was going was "Why are they surprised? Almost everything that comes out of a major studio these days is crap." Spider-Man 3, despite getting terrible reviews and (apparently) actually BEING terrible, it's well on it's way to grossing more than the previous two.

On NPR the other day, an industry expert was talking about why record sales are plunging. One of the biggest reasons he gave is that the artists the major labels are signing aren't putting out enough music. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that they sign lame no-talent teenagers that are manufactured and overproduced? I can't keep up with all the great music being released by real artists. The second biggest reason (curiously similar to the first) is that the major labels can't seem to find the hits. Where oh where ARE those hits?

Here's where the music industry is as lazy and greedy as the film industry. They really aren't interested in producing quality entertainment and they aren't as concerned about profitability as they are with big bucks, the jackpot! They're in the business of gambling and they have secured their fortunes through control of the distribution. They are basically like the mob except they don't have to break our knuckles to purchase their crap, we do it willingly!

In Blink, Malcolm Gladwell explains the ridiculous process the record industry uses to "test a hit" and why it doesn't work. People don't know what they want and when they like something, they can't explain why. We're also enormously influenced by the context in which we experience something. It's not insignificant that $150 million was spent marketing Spider-Man 3. It's not that people just can't wait to see it, we're bombarded with advertising that has us following the flock to movie theaters.

These industries are still trying to hump the "mainstream market" despite the lack of evidence that such a thing ever existed. It's not like The Beatles sat around trying to figure out how to sell records; they developed their talents, took incredible chances and sold records because people liked their music. Not EVERYONE, just a good chunk of loyal listeners.

Little Miss Sunshine, according to The Numbers, was made for $8 million (plus probably $20 mil for marketing) and grossed $97 mil. That's a 350% profit margin! The 40-Year Old Virgin was made for $26 mil (plus $27 mil for marketing) and grossed $177 mil! Even the British indies have fared well. The Queen, made for $15 mil grossed $113 mil worldwide and Bend It Like Beckham, made for only $5 mil grossed $76 mil.


So why aren't the studios making every $10-30 million movie they can find? They could make twenty indie films with Spider-Man 3's $450 mil. With an average profit margin of 300%, even if half of them fail, they'd still make out with $711 million and we'd have at least ten good films to watch! Problem is, Spider-Man 3 is on track to gross about $900 million and they want the easy money. It's too much work for the big studios to find quality scripts and develop them.

This is why, one of these days, the big guys will get swallowed up by a swarm of little guys delivering better music and better movies to exactly the right people - meganiches of a million or more folks each. Meganiches unite!

Wisps of magic

Something that's been rattling around in my brain lately is magic. Here's an abridged definition from Dictionary.com:

mag·ic [maj-ik] – noun
1. producing illusions by sleight of hand or deceptive devices for entertainment.
2. supposed human control of supernatural agencies through the use of incantation.
3. any extraordinary or mystical influence, charm, power, etc.
4. mysteriously enchanting.

THIS is what I think magic is:
An idea, vision or experience that defies explanation by and/or alters our experience of our earth-bound reality.

A lot of people have experienced this recently through "The Secret" or "What The Bleep Do We Know?" Some people find magic in God. Music is magical to me, the way it can lift me right out of the physical hell of driving. A good movie can work magic, utterly transforming my reality temporarily or permanently. And some dreams are certainly magic. No one really understands dreams.

We find magic in coincidences. Maybe they're just our brain sorting through our world in a way that shows us what we want or need - what Malcolm Gladwell refers to as "messages from behind the locked door" - but how do you explain this?

I was making banana muffins the other day and momentarily forgot while watching a show. Right at the time I should have been taking them out of the oven, one of the characters said to another "want to get a banana muffin?" I mean, are you kidding?

Mostly, though, I find magic in the wind, ocean, moonlight, trees and clouds:
Two hundred seventy thousand feet above the ground, higher than 99.9 percent of the earth’s air, clouds still float around — thin, iridescent wisps of electric blue.


The New York Times reported:
NASA is launching a small satellite to take a closer look at these clouds at the edge of outer space and to try to understand why, in recent years, they are appearing more often over more parts of the world. They are also becoming brighter.

The clouds are called noctilucent or “night shining,” because from the ground they can be seen only at night as they float about 50 miles above the surface, illuminated by light from a Sun that has already set below the horizon. (That is essentially the same effect that makes moonlight.)

Even scientists who spend their days studying the atmosphere are amazed:
“They’re beautiful,” said James M. Russell III, co-director of the Center for Atmospheric Sciences at Hampton University in Virginia and principal investigator of the NASA mission. “The pictures do a good job, but it’s not like seeing them.”

There's so much in this world that I don't understand: hip-hop/rap music, horror films, rollercoasters, hunting, football. I hear that people like these things because "they need an escape" but with so much magic in the world, why do people seek escape through violence?

Eyes, lips and hands

I finally finished Blink and nearly cried at the last story about the female French horn player being hired by the Met because they finally "saw her for who she really was." I think the idea of seeing people for who they really are is probably the most Utopian idea I've ever heard of. I'm sure that no one sees even themselves for who they really are, and we can never truly know another person, but even so, I am in love with the idea that we have a beauty within that can be freed from the perceptions of gender, race, nationality, financial status, height, weight, hair color, eye color, etc.

This is, perhaps, EXACTLY what's wrong with online personals. There's really no chance to see a person for who they really are. By the time you meet them, you've already made a million snap judgments based on how old they are, the way they look, where they live, what they do, how much money they make and how they filled out their essays. It's got to be the most inorganic way to decide whether we like a person. There are only three things I need to see to know if I'm attracted to someone: eyes, lips and hands. I swear. I can look at those three things and I do or don't want to make out with that person.

Now, compatibility is something more complicated of course, but I still don't believe it can be determined by filling out online essays and comparing notes. I think it's something much closer to the blind auditions that Malcolm Gladwell writes about because being attracted to someone IS like being blind. How many times have you said, "I never thought I would be attracted to... [fill in the blank]" and cease to see anything other than a person you love and really want to get along with?

If online personals can figure out a way to see show us only what we need to establish an attraction, they could actually work better than the old-fashioned way.

Who's delivering the message?

I was having breakfast with some ladies last weekend. A TV writer was telling me about teaching summer school algebra at an inner-city school in LA. She said there were two distinct groups of kids taking her class: freshman Korean kids who were hoping to get into a more advanced math class the next year and African-American seniors who were getting a last chance not to fail out of school. These kids, she made a deal with.

"I have no interest in failing you," she said, "it's in my best interest that you graduate high school." The only two requirements she told them, to passing the class are 1) Show up every day and 2) Don't prevent any one else from learning. They didn't do either of those things and almost all of them failed.

One kid, however, wanted to turn in his homework. He asked her if there was a way to do it without his friends seeing. See, it wouldn't be cool to turn in homework. They would accuse him of "trying to be white". In his culture, learning and doing well in school (and presumably getting a job and everything else that might follow) is equated with whiteness.

The Korean kids are raised in a Korean culture, here in LA, that has a very clear definition of success. Their definition of success does not threaten their culture, because it's defined by their culture and supported by their community in the United States.

Malcolm Gladwell, in Blink, talks about just how pervasive it is in our society to associate positive ideas with whites and negative idea with blacks. Even liberal, open-minded whites and enlightened, successful blacks are susceptible to the subtle associations between blacks and crime, drugs, and a lack of education.

In what I believe is a search for cultural identity, the kids failing out of school are rebelling against what they feel is an attempt by the dominant culture to absorb them. All they've done is develop a completely whacked definition of success that doesn't include getting an education or a job that requires an education and unless they have an entire community supporting them in some other type of endeavor, they aren't going to have a lot of options.

When this woman was telling me about her students, I thought to myself 'she got it all wrong'. She assumed if she set the bar so low, they couldn't possibly fail. But how can they rebel against the dominant culture when the dominant culture is constantly lowering the bar and expecting less and less of them? What would happen if a teacher demanded everything? Pushed them to succeed. Embarrassed them when they came unprepared and tracked them down if they didn't show. It's a lot of work, I know, and few want to do it but guess what? If you set the bar so high they can't possibly reach it, they can rebel without even trying and in the meantime, might actually turn in some homework.

A friend of mine who teaches in Jamaica, Queens, does just that. She's been attacked, her life threatened and kids in her classes have died - they live difficult lives that I can't even imagine. But she has students that have gone to Columbia and other universities because she tells them that they can and they should. She tells them they are wanted at those schools and the schools will pay them to come. She tells them every day because words have that kind of power.

My friend, like me, is white and although her message gets through, it's not easy because of who she is. Her school has several teachers who are graduates of that school and they, she said, are received very well by the students. They can say, "I'm you. I went to this school. I grew up this neighborhood. I'm not trying to change you, just give you options and a view into the bigger world."

I always say that everything is marketing and this is a perfect example. The three most important things to determine when selling anything are:
1) Who is your audience?
2) What is your message?
3) Who's delivering the message?
It's everything.

The power of images

I've been reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. I loved The Tipping Point, a great marketing book, and a friend said I should read Blink. In it, he talks about how powerful words and images are, even in small doses on a short term basis. Someone reading angry words will become angry, a person seeing images of a minority group committing crimes will become disposed to distrusting that minority group, etc.

I live in Los Angeles and while I've often known that the entertainment industry is by far the most sexist industry in the country - only 7% of working directors are women (for reference, approximately 16% of federally elected seats are held by women - not exactly a bragging point to begin with).

Even so, I'm constantly amazed by the movie posters that I'm subjected to on my way to work. I won't even get into the "Black Snake Moan" poster that is just beyond bizarre, or the "Captivity" poster that basically showed Elisha Cuthbert being MURDERED (it was taken off of buses after protest).

I'll just mention the three movies being advertised now on every billboard and bus stop on my eight mile commute. See if you can spot the theme:

"Perfect Stranger" - Halle Berry looks terrified at a menacing Bruce Willis.

"Disturbia" - The tagline is "Every killer lives next door to someone" while a terrified female is both menaced by the shadow of a man AND watched by another man through binoculars.

"Fracture" - Anthony Hopkins looks menacing and the headline is "I shot my wife."

I know. It's not something we normally think about but what do you think the unconscious reaction to this kind of messaging is?

The Tipping Point

I'm not the first to try something (that's an early adopter) but if I try and like it, I'll tell everyone. Recently a friend got me into The West Wing. It started innocently enough, on my brand new Mac, we downloaded the first episode from iTunes.

I had never downloaded a show from iTunes and if asked (pre-West Wing), probably would have said "I have no interest in watching a TV show on my computer, what's the point?" I got hooked and ended up downloading the entire first season from iTunes. One episode at a time. At one point, I was watching an episode before bed and then downloading three while I was sleeping for the next couple of nights. Overnight I became someone who downloads TV shows on iTunes and talks about it. It's easy! It's cheap! It's really cool. (Season Two I bought on DVD)