Until the violence stops

I just watched one of my Netflix recommendations, V-Day: Until The Violence Stops, a documentary about the movement born out of Eve Ensler’s Vagina Monologues; a worldwide movement of women reclaiming their bodies, their dignity and their power. I can’t believe, as an actress and a feminist, that I’ve never seen it. From former comfort women in the Philippines – teenage girls who were forced to “service” six to eight Japanese soldiers a day for more than two years during WWII – to Africa where a single woman started a revolution against female circumcision, the movie reminded me of just how powerful words can be.

I recently debated with a young documentary filmmaker about the power of images versus words. While I think one of the most powerful films ever made, Baraka, is a purely visual film, words are what change the world: the law, the constitution, marriage vows, prayer and the words “I love you,” which never lose their power. It takes a native man in North Dakota, during one of the local productions of The Vagina Monologues, a full three minutes to stop his face quivering enough to thank the audience for coming and honoring the native women killed by their husbands in domestic violence. It is so painful to watch the suffering endured by men and women, abuser and abused, in this cycle of violence. This particular man abused his wife for the first three years of marriage until (and this is implied) he killed his two-year old son who was trying to protect his mother from his father.

The last two men that I’ve dated told me that their last serious girlfriends had been sexually abused or raped, and at some point the dysfunction became an issue in their relationship. I’ve heard this story so many times, in fact, that I wonder why men don’t realize that most women they know have been abused, raped or at least sexually harassed at work or school. After the primaries, I told a good friend of mine that I felt guilty supporting Barack instead of Hilary. I can’t help but think that only a female in charge will bring attention to the violence against women the world over. There is, of course, no guarantee that Hilary would do any more in that regard than a man, but the fact that one half of the population is still so routinely victimized by the other half, across cultures, religious and socioeconomic backgrounds, and I’m sorry to say, in ways that are insidiously considered “normal,” is unacceptable.

Ironically, I was watching this film on the 10-year anniversary of V-Day and there were a slew of performances and celebrations last month, some are still going on. The monologues are the best way to see what it’s all about but if you can’t see a performance, or organize one yourself, you could always get the DVD. I would like to think that men can watch this and be just as moved, and not think "it's a women's issue." This is a worldwide problem that affects all of us, and we all can do something to stop it.

The power of images

I've been reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. I loved The Tipping Point, a great marketing book, and a friend said I should read Blink. In it, he talks about how powerful words and images are, even in small doses on a short term basis. Someone reading angry words will become angry, a person seeing images of a minority group committing crimes will become disposed to distrusting that minority group, etc.

I live in Los Angeles and while I've often known that the entertainment industry is by far the most sexist industry in the country - only 7% of working directors are women (for reference, approximately 16% of federally elected seats are held by women - not exactly a bragging point to begin with).

Even so, I'm constantly amazed by the movie posters that I'm subjected to on my way to work. I won't even get into the "Black Snake Moan" poster that is just beyond bizarre, or the "Captivity" poster that basically showed Elisha Cuthbert being MURDERED (it was taken off of buses after protest).

I'll just mention the three movies being advertised now on every billboard and bus stop on my eight mile commute. See if you can spot the theme:

"Perfect Stranger" - Halle Berry looks terrified at a menacing Bruce Willis.

"Disturbia" - The tagline is "Every killer lives next door to someone" while a terrified female is both menaced by the shadow of a man AND watched by another man through binoculars.

"Fracture" - Anthony Hopkins looks menacing and the headline is "I shot my wife."

I know. It's not something we normally think about but what do you think the unconscious reaction to this kind of messaging is?

Horrific horrifying horror

I was at the video store with my dad, looking for a film to rent. Every third film, it seemed, was a horror flick. And I don't have to tell you that most of them are about pretty young women being victimized. I picked up one called Rest Stop and made the mistake of reading the back. It's, as I guessed, about a woman tortured by a sicko after stopping at a rest stop...something about a box of tools and a saw (!)

I guess what makes it so SCARY and, I shudder to say, APPEALING, is that it actually happens and women are really afraid of that. Hmmm, I wonder how often it happens. Or are women disproportionately afraid because of movies like this? Why is a woman's fear so appealing?

A few minutes later, my dad picks up the movie The Virgins of Juarez. "This is a good movie," he says, "YOU should see this." I figure that he's making reference to the fact that I'm a feminist, something he hasn't always been too supportive of. He explains that it's a true story of women (young, I imagine, since they're VIRGINS) who are abducted in Juarez, Mexico, raped repeatedly and then KILLED. Disposable sex toys?! I feel myself getting physical ill in the video store as he goes on. "Minnie Driver plays a reporter who goes down there to get the story and this girl," he says, pointing to someone on the cover, "was buried alive but manages to escape."

I'm so horrified, I don't even know what to say. Why should I see this movie? God, how sick. How awful! My brain is spinning. Who are these people? WHO abducts little girls and rapes and kills them? WHO?! Normal men just walking around decide to do this? How can a society have such a low value on the life of a woman? How can a society care so little about women living in fear?

My mom had mentioned an article in the paper that morning (it was a weekend with the parents) about a 15 year old girl who met a guy online. She agreed to meet him somewhere and was kidnapped. He and HIS FATHER kept her in their apartment for a week and raped her. FOR A WEEK! She managed to escape, apparently, and they got caught.

That night, I had a nightmare about a serial killer, a duffel bag full of warm bloody body parts in Ziploc bags, and a series of films the killer had made while killing each victim. This was a nightmare because I was in charge of solving these crimes and had to watch the movies. I couldn't sleep for two nights afterwards.

So, the other day I was at the beach, on the walking path. Every time I heard someone behind me I jumped a little, startled. I notice that other women do it too, when they're approached. I saw a couple of guys laughing at a woman who was startled by them. Does a man even know what it's like to feel like a potential victim walking around? Sure, sure, it's a state of mind. BULLSHIT. With so much real violence against women, why do we need fictional violence?

Let me ask a question. Why is it that fictional terror is entertainment while the real terror is a challenging think piece? For example, Blood Diamond featured little boys getting body parts hacked off. COOL! Last King of Scotland is about a dictator who was a mass murderer...way better than Zodiac. That guy wasn't even REALLY a serial killer. Or what about The Virgins of Juarez? I mean, isn't that right up horror alley? Can someone explain this to me?