Giving away the farm

Realtors have long known the power of words. Their descriptions of properties can spin a decrepit shack into the cottage of the Seven Dwarfs with just a few words. Savvy buyers are able to translate in real-time when they hear these descriptors:
"warm" means dark wood-paneled walls, "cozy" means less than 900 square feet, "quaint" means it's the tacky house on the corner the neighbors complain about, and "mid-century" means built in the 1960's and might still have the original avocado-colored tile, shag carpeting and gold-veined mirrored tiles.

So jaded have customers become that they often think the worst when hearing these words. Even universally appealing descriptions like "sunny" or "verdant" can conjure negative images. A "sunny" house could be completely exposed because the previous owners chopped down the majestic oak tree that used to shade it. It's surrounded by dry weeds and yellowed grass and the sun beats down on it 24-hours a day. You'll have to keep the blinds closed in the afternoon to avoid slow-roasting. A "verdant" property could make you think you're living in the tropics. Miss a week in the backyard hacking back the plants with a machete, and the green will engulf your house.

So it was a surprise when my mother conjured an image from a realtor's description only to find the property much different. While looking for land on the Oregon coast on which to build their retirement home, my mom and her husband met a local realtor that they hit it off with. She mentioned a "farm" that they had to look at. At over $100k more than what they had been looking at, my mom was not interested. "You'll LOVE the farm!" the Realtor insisted. A week later, she had worn my mother down and she consented to look at it.

Instead of boring flat land with a broken-down barn and bales of hay, she found five acres of green rolling hills dotted with trees on a bluff overlooking the prettiest part of the Oregon coastline. In a small artist's community only ten miles from the hippest beach town in Oregon, the property values have continued to climb here to 18% per year despite the rest of the country's real estate slump.

Noticing an attractive and fairly new-looking house, my mother thought, "too bad there's a neighbor RIGHT HERE." "Oh no," the Realtor corrected, "that house comes with the property! It was built in 1915 and has been completely redone by the professional woodworker who's selling the property." A sweet little two-bedroom cottage with a full-sized attic and ocean views from every room.

Luckily for them, other people wrinkled their noses at the "farm" and had not looked at it. They were the first to put in an offer. Turns out it is classified as a farm because it is home to several miniature burros and some sheep. My mom said the burros are the size of a dog, fluffy and very friendly. I can't wait to meet them. Look how cute!