How do you say Paul in Chinglish?

When I was in England, my relatives were constantly correcting my and my mother's English. It was really annoying; it's not like these people are speaking the Queen's English, they're just regular folk with their own accents and mispronunciations. Finally I said to my cousin, "Isn't it weird? It's almost like we're from another country!" I mean, get over it. You speak your English and we speak ours. I know in theory there has to be a "right way" that we all aspire to but American English is a recognized language.

Eventually, I figured we were in their country and we can make an effort to say things the way they do. We didn't ask anyone where the restroom or the bathroom but every one of my relatives brought it up anyway. "RESTroom?" they'd say, "who's doing any RESTING in there?" "BATHroom? How ridiculous, there's no BATH in there!" Yes, we'd say, shaking our heads in agreement at how stupid our language (and presumably, our country) is, "I know." Forget trying to explain that for whatever reason, in America we don't like to talk about the toilet because we consider it to be dirty and disgusting and it's much more polite, say at dinner, to ask the waiter where the restroom is. Come to think of it, it used to be called a washroom which might be more accurate. The difference, of course, is that in England, the toilets in the old houses were in their own room (hence, the water closet or WC) and the sink is in the same room as the shower. But I digress.

I was ready to forgive them for making me feel like I don't have the right to my own language when, while at my hair salon, I had a similar interaction with a Brit here in San Francisco. While I was paying, a guy came in. My hairdresser, looking at the appointment book, asked him how to pronounce his name.

"Paul," he replied.

"Oh, it says B-A-U-L in the book!" she said and we both laughed.

I remembered a good friend of mine named Paul who once complained about having such a common name and I lightly remarked, "I bet that's never happened before!"

"Actually," he said, "only about four times per day."

Huh? You see, British Paul refuses to pronounce his name is a way that any American would understand.

"Oh," I said, because you say "Paul" (pronouncing his name in my best British accent).

"Paul" he replied, correcting me.

"That's what I said."

"No," he said without a shred of humor, "it isn't."

Unbelievable! This guy would rather walk around his life in San Francisco with a stick up his ass about his name, correcting all of us stupid and ignorant Americans who can't speak, than just have a friendly interaction with a couple of nice and (actually) interesting women. I thought it about it all the way home. My name is French but I've never insisted that people pronounce it so. I don't particularly want it truncated but that's a different story. When I go to Italy, I introduce myself as "An-JEL-ica." To Spanish speakers, even in the U.S., I'm happy to be called "An-HELL-ica." Some Europeans pronounce it the French way and I love that. I see nothing wrong with people changing it to suit their language, especially in their own country.

Would Paul chastise people in Italy if they called him Paolo? Or in Spain for calling him Pablo? Or is it just because we speak English here that he thinks we should pronounce it HIS way, the ENGLISH way, the CORRECT way? I find it hard to believe that even in England, everyone would say it to his satisfaction. And what about in Australia? Same story or is it just us Americans that they are so disgusted with? According to a YouGov poll for the Daily Telegraph in May, 35% of the British think the United States is a "force for evil." I suppose because of our president's bad speech, they assume the two go hand in hand. I wonder how they'll feel in 2020 when, according to Wired, only 15% of English speakers will be native to the language. The Chinese are quickly eclipsing the rest of the world in English speakers and are inventing their own version of it as we speak. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when Paul gets his English corrected by a Chinese non-native speaker!